Rounding up the Group Stage - Shocks Galore...

Hope these Italian fans kept hold of this coffin - only have to change one colour and wording and its perfect

Match 45:

Portugal 2
Contralto 30, Mandi 72

Brazil 1
Kooka 45+1

An encounter that will fail to live in the memory save for the fact it puts out the Boys from Brazil. 'Sagres is better than average Eurolager,' says James, 'but not much more.' Brahma elicits little praise from our panel - 'there's no Samba party going on with this - pretty dire,' says Stu. At least the Brazilians trouble the scorers at last - but all massively in vain. This will make embarrassing reading for such a great World Cup nation.

A Japanese fan outside the Danish Embassy in Toyko last night

Theballisround

Many interesting insights on the modern game can be found at COGH Executive Beer Taster Stuart Fuller's theballisround blog. Click on the link to find Stu's reminiscences of WC2006.

Match 46:
North Korea 1
Sum-Yung-Boy 25

Ivory Coast 0

The North Koreans chalk up their second victory in poor group. 'Mann's Brown Ale is a bit of a crime against beers,' says Peter - 'that doesn't say much for Tusker does it?' replies Deaks. 'The last of the group games means we can say goodbye to a lot of shit beers,' says Stu, and four tipsy heads nod in agreement. Apart from Nigeria, this completes a sorry showing for African beers overall.

Final Group G Table

		P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	PTS
1	Portugal	3	3	0	0	5	1	4	9
2	North Korea	3	2	0	1	2	1	1	6
3	Brazil	3	0	1	2	1	3	-2	1
4	Ivory Coast	3	0	1	2	0	3	-3	1

COGH Analysis: In a group with no much to recommend it at all, Portugal sweep maximum points as if by default. The North Koreans - with the weakest beer in the competition - can count themselves incredibly lucky to make the next stage. And as for Brazil and the Kenyan / Ivory Coast entries - don't call us...

Free kicks: Had you forgotten how good they are?

Match 47:
Chile 0

Spain 3
Meddle (O.G) 36, Biscuits 51, Torrid 80

Another case of a superior team taking on absolute gack. The lads are still no fans of Chili Beer 'Poo - it stinks,' says Deaks - 'it's probably a ring stinger as well,' adds Peter. Alhambra Mezquita is strong, smooth and lovely, and brushes the South Americans aside as if lazily swatting a fly during a siesta. A taxi is hired for the Chileans without a goal troubling any of their opponents.

Thought for the day

Yesterday here at COGH we hoped there wouldn't be any red cards in today's matches - and Blimey O' Reilly - there weren't any. The performances of Howard Webb and linesman Darren Cann were the best by any Englishmen in WC2010 thus far...

Darren Cann - National Hero

Match 48:
Switzerland 5
Toblerone 1, 4, 70, Tell 40, Youngboy-Byrne 29

Honduras 3
Ponce 16, 55

Every match the Swiss have been involved in has been touched with class - and this was no exception. 'This gives you the most amazing euphoric feeling - it's not like drinking normal beer,' says Peter of the 14% barnstormer that has taken the competition by storm. The Hondurans are certainly no mugs and to get three goals against the mighty Swiss is a performance to be applauded. 'Banana Bread Beer can count themselves very unlucky to be going out at this stage. Would probably win best third place,' says James with an air of regret at seeing them go.

Final Group H Table

		P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	PTS
1	Switzerland	3	3	0	0	14	7	7	9
2	Spain	3	2	0	1	10	7	3	6
3	Honduras	3	1	0	2	7	8	-1	3
4	Chile	3	0	0	3	0	9	-9	0

COGH Analysis: The Swiss go through as top scorers in the competition, as the Spanish claim a well-deserved second spot, and set up an all-Iberian encounter in the Round of 16. The Swiss should have no trouble against the North Koreans. As for Chile, the least said the better, and the Hondurans can go home very proud of the displays they have put together and the friends they've made.

Round of 16 Matches:
A1 France v Argentina B2
B1 Nigeria v Uruguay A2
C1 Slovenia v Germany D2
D1 Australia v USA C2
E1 Japan v Italy F2
F1 Paraguay v Holland E2
G1 Portugal v Spain H2
H1 Switzerland v North Korea G2
(Ties to be played same times as WC2010 equivalents)

Spain's passage to next round under threat - or is it?

Kader Keita Acting School - cheap rates - no talent required

Cup of Good Hop Polls

You've had the opportunity to vote for your favourite beers on COGH, and they have produced some surprising results so far. Things couldn't be tighter in Group A, whereas Quilmes is the clear front runner amongst Argentina's foursome, despite the presence of Guinness Foreign Export (jeez, their PR department should start bunging us some cash before long - but it really is a stunning beer). Another surprise is the walkaway victory for Macs Gold (New Zealand) in Group F - which seems to be contrary to the thoughts of the COGH Executive Beer Tasters. As the tournament unfolds we will give you more opportunity to state your preferences and generally get involved.

Are we experiencing the worst refereeing in World Cup history?
Probably not, but it sure feels like it... Chile v Switz latest of too many examples

Match 31:
Chile 0

Switzerland 4

Toblerone 10, 77, Tell 47, Franc 56

A predictable outcome for this bottom v top encounter. The Swiss continue to impress to the utmost, with complicated yet subtle flavours and a profound effect on the noggin. Chile are peppered with attacks 'tastes hot, smells funny,' says Deaks, and Peter wants no more - 'wrong combination of flavours. Not a keeper.' James finishes off the job with a dismissive 'I'm anti this beer big time.' There's no coming back from that kind of barracking when taking on the best.

Us against An-them

It occurred to me during the Portugal v North Korea match that both of their national anthems are tuneful, upbeat and cheery. Then it struck me that given Portugal's political history theirs is possibly about peasants getting mercilessly shot by the militia, and heaven knows what they've got to be cheery about in North Korea. What's been your favourite anthem - or indeed the one that makes your eardrums feel sick... Let us know here at COGH - leave a message or email pstymail@yahoo.com.

Facebook Focus

Alex Edgar The England team went to visit a South African orphanage. "It was good to put a smile on the faces of people who have no hope and are constantly struggling," said Joseph Umboto, aged six.

Match 32:
Spain 3
Del Fuego 45, Amarillo 67, Que-Pasa 77

Honduras 2
Escobar 14, Palacial 71

Though we are all big fans of Banana Bread beer, we have to give a narrow decision in favour of Alambra Mezquita. 'This is a serious beer - class in a glass,' says Stu. 'I could drink a lot of these,'
says Deaks with some zest. There's a lot going on with Alambra, and is more of a connoisseur's beer, but that takes nothing away from the plucky Hondurans. 'Lovely smell - you could drink these too excess in one sitting,' says Peter - who pledges to look out for Banana beer in future when in need of a tasty, novel boozing experience.

		P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	PTS
1	Switzerland	2	2	0	0	9	4	5	6
2	Honduras	2	1	0	1	4	3	1	3
3	Spain	2	1	0	1	7	7	0	3
4	Chile	2	0	0	2	0	6	-6	0

COGH Analysis: The Swiss have laid waste everyone in their path, but its a top of the table clash next. This could be a prime opportunity for Spain to leapfrog into the second round, as they face the Chileans, who've yet to make any positive impact on the competition yet.

And finally... [drum roll]... a massive final four

We were in a more than suitably relaxed mood after sampling the last of the 32 beers... and downing the representatives of Group H was the perfect way to close the curtain on the first round of matches.

So here, for the final time, are those lovely tasting notes from the experts:-

Honduras

Banana Bread Beer, 5.2%

'The aroma is a lot stronger than I was hoping for, I wasn't expecting it to smell exactly like banana bread, but it does. Just on the nose there was very little else. The initial taste is a banana attack and a very strong attack at that. The mid palate taste and even feels a bit like butterscotch which is I think saves it from being too overwhelming. The finish is a little watered down which was actually quite pleasant. I definitely think that this isn't a beer you can drink often but was exciting anyway and could probably be had with some food.' Beeradvocate.com

COGH excuse - Honduras don't export their beers, but bananas are their greatest contribution to the world. Hope that isn't too patronising.

Chile

Cave Creek Chili Beer, 4.2%

'Holy crap, this is awful. No head, smell's like black pepper and bad Mexican food that they tried to cover up by making it super spicey! Aweful. No balance. I get no hops, no malt, just bad peppers. It smells like cat pee, and not in a good sauv blanc kind of way. I will never go anywhere near this beer ever again!' Beeradvocate.com

COGH excuse - neither love nor money could source something sultry and S. American - so we went down the literal route instead.

Switzerland

Samichlaus, 14% (yes that's one-four per cent)

'The label claims "Strongest Lager Beer in the world", and at 14% ABV, that seems fair. The beer pours a dark amber colour, with a dense, but quickly dissipating off-white head. It is not the most aromatic of beers, but there is an intense fruity note of cherry and red berries, with some Christmas cake spice and dried fruit. In the mouth it is powerful, dense and smooth, with an immediate rush of sweetness, before a very Scotch whisky-like character emerges. That raisiny sweetness persists through the mid-palate, with more malty, treacley notes pushing through. It is a balanced beer, with heady alcohol showing up in the finish, but also good acidity and a nip of assertive hops. Surprisingly drinkable given its massive alcohol, and very enjoyable.' Beerpages.com

Spain

Alhambra Mezquita, 7.2%

'Made in the style of an Abbey beer, it has a striking ruby-red colour and a high-rise, persistent white head just tinged with pink. There are cherry and floral notes on the nose, with a hint of old roses and fine, malty notes beneath. On the palate There’s a mocha-coffee richness, and plenty of sweetening, Belgian Trappist-style notes, with a great thrust of grapefruit pith acidity adding balance. This is a big mouthful of beer, with its 7.2% alcohol making its presence felt in a long, grippy finish.' Beerpages.com Before we kick of the games - I have to say how funny I found Dave Henson's Vuvuzela song - should be adopted as the official song for the whole World Cup - let alone England... Well done Dave, the country salutes you... Match 13: Honduras 2 Ponce 66, Palacial 70 Chile 0

Stu dismisses Chile straight off - 'there's no room for novelty beers in this World Cup', and there are several faces stretched in pain before him in agreement. Much as we're all in love with the world and all its kind after 32 beers, Chile just couldn't compete in a group described as a 'taste sensation'. The inverse was true, however, of another novelty beer - 'give us our daily Banana Beer Bread' (James) was the consensus, as it was slipped down lovely-like and allegedly counts as one of your five-a-day.

Ponce by name... you know the rest

Twitter Titter #2

Am enjoying this new thread to COGH so here's another from @DavidSchneider - Robbie Earle doesn't actually know ITV's sacked him. They phoned him but accidentally played him an advert instead.

Be seeing you Robbie. Send us a line if you fancy doing a column in COGH instead - and we'll chew it over. You can follow Peter & James on Twitter - @pstymail & @rockjimford. Big thanks to @henrywinter for the tweets.

Match 14:

Spain 4

Torrid 2, 34, Biscuits 56, Chavvy 62

Switzerland 5

Pepperami (pen) 3, Youngboy-Byrne 29, 73, Schwigger 50, Yacking 77

A thriller - pure and simple. Beer Titan versus Beer Titan in a near-perfect encounter. The Spanish were clean, crisp and incredibly tasty. Dan was their biggest advocate, but that judgment was not clouded by his trans-national marital status... it may have been slightly fogged by downing a 7.2% brew as his 31st of the day. Peter then lets go what can only be described as an 'air biscuit', bringing the game into disrepute. 'The best game of the tournament' (copyright Deaks) saw near maximum goals, but the phenomenal Swiss edged it with a taste not unlike your favourite Christmas combined with near hallucinatory effects. At 14%, it is the Messi of the beer world and all should stand and applaud the Swiss - who to paraphrase The Third Man have clearly produced more than cuckoo clocks after 500 years of peace and brotherly love.

Samichlaus - formidable

So stay tuned for the second round group of games - there's plenty more from COGH to enjoy. We've just passed the 5,000 hit barrier - who'd have thunk it? Bye for now, and here's to some entertaining football in the African sunshine.

Cheers - jusssst going for a little lie down after that last match.

Peter.

Beers 17-22 - here we go, here we go, here we go...

Fully recovered from my brush with the law, I decided to stay closer to home in order to embark on the second half of COGH. A return visit to Trafalgar Wines, Brighton elicited the following purchases:- (n.b. James has bought Netherlands and re-purchased Mexico (Beers 16 & 17), and a post detailing this will doubtless appear in the fullness of time, and the next post will be more arthouse, with pictures of the beers in their natural habitat and exclusive footage where we get up close and personal with the contestants.)

BEER#17 Spain - £2.00

Alhambra Mezquita has an ABV of 7.2% - stacking up yet another COGH beer that is to be treated with maximum respect. Should be a strong contender in the group games.

BEER#18 - Chile - £1.80

The Chileans don't export their beer, and steps will / may be taken to get hold of these rare countries, but in the meantime a little punnery got us as far as Chilli Beer. Ahem... Apologies to purists here - and I doubt it will be the only one during the course of this post.

BEER#19 - USA - £1.99

Apologies to purists for this. Despite appeals to go for a US microbrewery, we've plumbed for Budweiser. Is this an anti-American bias creeping in? Na... it's because this 'can' of Bud has got a picture of the World Cup on it. Sucker.

BEER#20 Slovenia - £2.00

Again, Slovenian beers are like hen's teeth over here, and I've been in enough Eastern European shops lately to be a chicken dentist. Fortunately many UK beers are made with Slovenian hops and Adnams is one such brewer. Broadside is a lovely example of the breed, so I decided to bring it into our kennel of beer. I think that's enough metaphors for now. Could well do better than the actual Slovenian team considering the weak competition in Group C - and no we haven't fixed it. This is scientific don't you know.

Ooh - look at the reflection on that bottle...

BEER#21 - Honduras - £2.40

According to the experts, Honduran beer isn't going on. The man in Trafalgar Wines sadly shook his head and said there hasn't been a World Cup like it - maybe there's a PhD in looking at the best World Cup for COGHing. Maybe not - they'd never get that through the budget cuts. Still, that said, bananas are the top export of Honduras, and I really like Banana Bread Beer. That completes Group G, the second quartet we no longer have to worry about.

BEER#22 - Ivory Coast (again) - £1.79

Bought another bottle of Tusker after Saturday's debacle to represent the highly fancied Ivorians. Yes, my ipod is still dead, and yes - am still fuming about the conduct of the Metropolitan Police on Saturday. Nuff said before I go off on a diatribe...

On a brighter note, we have a new recruit for the latter and most important stages of COGH - the tasting. In a deal reported to be worth approximately ten beers we have enticed top international blogger Danny Last of European Football Weekends. For the uninitiated here he is in multilingual mode:-

Danny will help us record the momentous events and be our illustrious guest taster when the action kicks off in the next couple of weeks. Welcome aboard mate.

Before that happens, we have ten more beers to acquire. Five of these are easy... France, England, Germany, Italy and Denmark (again).

And five fiendish ones... Ghana, Serbia, Cameroon, Slovakia and the dreaded North Korea. Any help / suggestions in rounding up these would be fantastic... In the meantime signing off for now - more than 600 views so far and counting. Thanks for your interest in our noble yet slightly silly quest...

PS