Rounding up the Group Stage - Shocks Galore...

Hope these Italian fans kept hold of this coffin - only have to change one colour and wording and its perfect

Match 45:

Portugal 2
Contralto 30, Mandi 72

Brazil 1
Kooka 45+1

An encounter that will fail to live in the memory save for the fact it puts out the Boys from Brazil. 'Sagres is better than average Eurolager,' says James, 'but not much more.' Brahma elicits little praise from our panel - 'there's no Samba party going on with this - pretty dire,' says Stu. At least the Brazilians trouble the scorers at last - but all massively in vain. This will make embarrassing reading for such a great World Cup nation.

A Japanese fan outside the Danish Embassy in Toyko last night

Theballisround

Many interesting insights on the modern game can be found at COGH Executive Beer Taster Stuart Fuller's theballisround blog. Click on the link to find Stu's reminiscences of WC2006.

Match 46:
North Korea 1
Sum-Yung-Boy 25

Ivory Coast 0

The North Koreans chalk up their second victory in poor group. 'Mann's Brown Ale is a bit of a crime against beers,' says Peter - 'that doesn't say much for Tusker does it?' replies Deaks. 'The last of the group games means we can say goodbye to a lot of shit beers,' says Stu, and four tipsy heads nod in agreement. Apart from Nigeria, this completes a sorry showing for African beers overall.

Final Group G Table

		P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	PTS
1	Portugal	3	3	0	0	5	1	4	9
2	North Korea	3	2	0	1	2	1	1	6
3	Brazil	3	0	1	2	1	3	-2	1
4	Ivory Coast	3	0	1	2	0	3	-3	1

COGH Analysis: In a group with no much to recommend it at all, Portugal sweep maximum points as if by default. The North Koreans - with the weakest beer in the competition - can count themselves incredibly lucky to make the next stage. And as for Brazil and the Kenyan / Ivory Coast entries - don't call us...

Free kicks: Had you forgotten how good they are?

Match 47:
Chile 0

Spain 3
Meddle (O.G) 36, Biscuits 51, Torrid 80

Another case of a superior team taking on absolute gack. The lads are still no fans of Chili Beer 'Poo - it stinks,' says Deaks - 'it's probably a ring stinger as well,' adds Peter. Alhambra Mezquita is strong, smooth and lovely, and brushes the South Americans aside as if lazily swatting a fly during a siesta. A taxi is hired for the Chileans without a goal troubling any of their opponents.

Thought for the day

Yesterday here at COGH we hoped there wouldn't be any red cards in today's matches - and Blimey O' Reilly - there weren't any. The performances of Howard Webb and linesman Darren Cann were the best by any Englishmen in WC2010 thus far...

Darren Cann - National Hero

Match 48:
Switzerland 5
Toblerone 1, 4, 70, Tell 40, Youngboy-Byrne 29

Honduras 3
Ponce 16, 55

Every match the Swiss have been involved in has been touched with class - and this was no exception. 'This gives you the most amazing euphoric feeling - it's not like drinking normal beer,' says Peter of the 14% barnstormer that has taken the competition by storm. The Hondurans are certainly no mugs and to get three goals against the mighty Swiss is a performance to be applauded. 'Banana Bread Beer can count themselves very unlucky to be going out at this stage. Would probably win best third place,' says James with an air of regret at seeing them go.

Final Group H Table

		P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	PTS
1	Switzerland	3	3	0	0	14	7	7	9
2	Spain	3	2	0	1	10	7	3	6
3	Honduras	3	1	0	2	7	8	-1	3
4	Chile	3	0	0	3	0	9	-9	0

COGH Analysis: The Swiss go through as top scorers in the competition, as the Spanish claim a well-deserved second spot, and set up an all-Iberian encounter in the Round of 16. The Swiss should have no trouble against the North Koreans. As for Chile, the least said the better, and the Hondurans can go home very proud of the displays they have put together and the friends they've made.

Round of 16 Matches:
A1 France v Argentina B2
B1 Nigeria v Uruguay A2
C1 Slovenia v Germany D2
D1 Australia v USA C2
E1 Japan v Italy F2
F1 Paraguay v Holland E2
G1 Portugal v Spain H2
H1 Switzerland v North Korea G2
(Ties to be played same times as WC2010 equivalents)

Brazil yet to score shocker...

Twitter Titter #5

davidschneider

I'd say the disarray in the French team dates from the appointment of sports psychologist Paddy O'Shaunessy

and latest news:-

simonmayo

Sky sources: England coach Fabio Capello agrees to tell players of team selection earlier. (via @SkyNewsBreak)

Here's a link to current scenarios in all groups. Especially interesting is the possibility of a coin toss if England score two more goals than the US in their final games.

Cup of Good Hop Match 29:
Brazil 0

Ivory Coast 0

Deaks' 'Barak Obrahma' quip is more entertaining than either brew, and Tusker yet again fails to impress. 'The only big game this will be involved with is the elephant on the label,' says Peter. By this time the lads are very bored of generic Lagerland lager, and this goalless encounter is testament to that. 'Brazil need to have a word with themselves beer-wise, this is a shoddy display,' says James.

Not everyone is complaining about the Vuvuzela

Match 30:
Portugal 1
Mandi 10

North Korea 0

An encounter nearly as flat as Mann's Brown Ale itself. Sagres gets the nod over a 2.8% beer that has recipes written on the side of the bottle. 'It's going to qualify for the last 16, but I can't see Portugal getting much further,' says Stu. Like Ronaldo, there's something a little effeminate about Sagres, whereas Mann's has completely lost the faith of the judges. 'It's giving me the shivers,' says Peter, who can't face drinking any more. 'You've got to wonder who still buys this rubbish.' I suppose we did, but for a very specific reason.

Group G Table

		P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	PTS
1	Portugal	2	2	0	0	3	0	3	6
2	North Korea	2	1	0	1	1	1	0	3
3	Brazil	2	0	1	1	0	1	-1	1
4	Ivory Coast	2	0	1	1	0	2	-2	1

COGH Analysis: Portugal top a poor group and have yet to concede a goal. Brazil, on the other hand have yet to score one and run the very real risk of first round elimination at the hands of North Korea. The Ivorians could spoil their party but will have to perform significantly better than in their previous two matches.

Not so nuts about Brazil...

A fascinating clash of cultures in Group G, with the Iberian influences of Brazil and Portugal going head to head with the totalitarian nuttiness of North Korea and the war-torn morass that has been the recent history of the Ivory Coast. Similarly, in terms of getting hold of the beers, we had no trouble with two (#Bra and #Por), whilst the other two steadfastly refused to surrender. Therefore, we have been forced to field a couple of ringers, which are:-

North Korea
Mann's Brown Ale, 2.8%
'In 2000, North Korea's leader, Kim Jong Il announced he wanted a brewery. At the same time, the Ushers Brewery in Trowbridge, Dorset, was put up for sale. A deal was done and within 18 months, the North Korean government had dismantled the brewery, shipped it home to Pyongyang, put it back together again and begun brewing “Taedong River Beer”. As you can’t get Taedong River Beer in the UK, we’ve opted for Mann’s Brown ale, the terrific traditional beer that was once brewed on the same brewing kit. A slightly sweet, malt driven creamy ale with a nutty finish.' thedrinksbusiness.com

Ivory Coast
Tusker, 4.2%
'Tusker is a medium lager, yellow in colour but with little of a head. It is quite crisp and clean and makes an ideal 'Sunday Afternoon' beer. Tusker leaves a satisfactory aftertaste. It tastes quite sweet and fruity. It has much more of a taste to it than many lagers and if you are looking for something different then this is probably worth checking out.' yoodoo.com

Brazil
Brahma, 4.8%
'This beer has a very weak bite, flowery aroma and very pleasant afertaste leaning toward citrus/grape. It almost feels as if your drinking a soda rather then a beer. There is no sickly feeling or gassyness after it goes down, not carbonated at all. I expect a large amount of synthetic ingredient, which is infact a good thing with this beer as they've managed to make it taste very-non generically stale.' thebackpacker.net

Portugal
Sagres, 5.2%
'This pale, lager-type beer is a little bland on the nose, with some mild malty notes. On the palate it is quite smooth and rich-textured, with a decent amount of dry, almost bitter-edged hoppy fruit and decent length, but it is bit too "clean" and under-flavoured for me.' Beernotes.com

Twitter Titter #1

This is a new COGH occasional feature where we pull out the tweets that have made us titter...

Enjoyed @DolphinHotel's 'North Koreans already celebrating their team's 3-0 thrashing of #Bra thanks to 62 goals from Kim Jong-Il.'

Match 13:
Ivory Coast 0

Portugal 2
Castrol 20, Contralto 69

Though we were a bit dismissive about Sagres as a 'holiday beer', it was nonetheless crisp and hoppy. However, this was less entertaining than the 'Tusker Du' comments and the exchange between Stu and Deaks.
D: 'I'm not getting anything off this.'
S: 'Reminds me of my honeymoon.'
D: 'Why? Didn't you get any?'
S: No - I went to Kenya.'
Still, such mirth was not enough to save Tusker from a two-goal turnover.

Key man: Kim Jong-Il
Match 14:
Brazil 0

North Korea 1
Jong-Il 77

Critique reached new lows as Mann's was described as a 'Paraguay wannabe', and 'it's giving me the shivers', and Brahma received a damning 'its what you'd drink on Copacobana Beach when feeling up a girl who was actually a boy.' At this point, Dan asked 'how do you spell deteriorating?' Kinda summed it all up. Low quality, apart from the five-star humour.