It's that time again kids! Time for another Every Day Jay News Update! Done in the spirit of SNL's Weekend Update only funny!
Ha! I crack myself up. Anyway, you can listen using this cute widdle player that Talk Shoe provides free of charge. Or the player that shows up at the bottom of the post in Reader...
And, as always I've typed them up for the audio impaired...
Census figures show that the city of Detroit lost one resident every 22 minutes from 2001 through 2010. And that doesn't even count the ones who were murdered.
President Obama kicked off his reelection campaign today. Most of America responded by saying “Wait, you're still President? Really? We wondered where you went.”
Obama has been testing out new slogans for his 2012 reelection bid with “What the hell? You reelected Bush, right?”
One of his rejected slogans was “Better cling to God and guns a little harder, cause I want four more years.”
He finally settled on “Reelect Barack Obama! It's not like you have any better options.”
Gulf Shores, Alabama has outlawed the recreational use of Nitrous Oxide. A city councilman said that this was no laughing matter.
Tiger Woods has a new girlfriend. Her name is Elyse Johnston, who is 22 years old, grew up next to Tiger and used to draw him pictures in crayon as a child. Woody Allen thinks that's crossing the line.
Notre Dame women's basketball team stunned heavy favorite UConn in the women's final four. And all 17 people watching the game on TV.
Katie Couric might be leaving the CBS Evening News and wants to start up a new syndicated talk show. She says she wants the new show to be known for “smart conversation.” So, apparently she won't be the one hosting.
The city of Los Angeles received 231 applications to operate medical marijuana dispensaries. Unfortunately 35 had to be rejected because they couldn't secure a contract to sell munchies along with the pot.
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