Okay, in California:
Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. I'm sorry, but it seems to me that taverns, schools and especially places of worship are the perfect places for public mating. It's both entertaining and educational. And, again, I have to love states thinking they can legally control the activities of animals. Seriously? Rover and Fifi are going to get hauled downtown? Come on, what ever happened to a good old fashioned hosing?
It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. It took me a minute to realize they were, perhaps, referring to a boat. All I can picture is Cuzin Kleatus and his band of drunken, rifle wielding hillbilly buddies - whooping it up on the beach in their jalopy pick up. And why whales? While I may have an irrational screaming fear of them - and have seen more than one YouTube video of a whale attack - I am told they are, for the most part, just giant puppies that live in the sea. Singling them out for the firing squad seems a bit rude.
Women may not drive in a house coat. Well, sure. Women shouldn't do anything in a house coat. Ever.
No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour. Probably a good rule. Herbie the Lovebug and KITT are getting way out of control.
Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool. But it says nothing about crashing a bicycle in-TO a swimming pool. Ha! No one will put an end to my favorite summertime activity. NO ONE.
You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows. This law should apply to alligator shoes and shark teeth as well.
It is illegal to spit, except on baseball diamonds. And whales.
A man can’t go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match. Duh. It's like the house coats. Come on, this is California people. It's not like we're in... Utah.
Ice cream may not be eaten while standing on the sidewalk. I love the fact that this was an actual law that was officially repealed when Clint Eastwood was mayor. Now I love him even more.
Women may not wear high heels while in the city limits. Oh, sure - but the men can??? Come on!
Persons may not ride their bicycles through the “Fountain of Life.” Now officially on my bucket list.
Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses. Which is why I pine for my home state on a daily basis.
Okay, while California wins the Only True State award in my book - it's just not Stoopid enough. Good effort with the whale target practice and magical speeding cars but those can't even touch Alaska's mid-flight, live moose hurling.
I honestly don't think anything will.
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