Yawn, yawn, yawn ... another Narnia

If Jesus equals a lion, and Satan equals a golden compass, and faith equals trusting your spacey sister, and evilness equals wolves and saber-toothed tigers, and atheism equals an armored polar bear … then two and two does not equal four.

This is wacky math; no wonder evangelicals shun science.

That wasn’t intended to be a zing, just illustrating a point — that a film’s subtext can be whatever the viewer wants, be it anti-Christian sentiment in Phillip Pullman’s Golden Compass or pro-Christian theology in C.S. Lewis’ Chronicle of Narnia. Both are religious propaganda to a certain extent, but will your children care? Or even notice? It’s unlikely because, let’s face, that’s a talking badger up there. And he’s making soup.

Besides the kitchen-savvy mustelidae in Prince Caspian, the second Narnia film, there are fencing rodents, minotaur, centaur, bobcats, cougars, cheetahs, bears and a resurrected lion so omnipotent he only shows up when the movie no longer requires his absence. The lion, of course, is either a talking animal or something else entirely depending on your Sunday school status. That is the part I leave up to you.

These animals make up the kingdom of Narnia, a fantasy world once ruled — or maybe soon-to-be ruled; there’s a time element that’s confusing to follow — by the four Pevensie children: Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy, all of whom are played by the talented young actors who portrayed them in Narnia’s first film, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. One day the children are in a subway in their spiffy Hogwarts duds and the next they’re neck deep in trouble in Narnia, which was peaceful at the conclusion of their previous engagement.

They arrive and immediately have to riddle through a silent, long-forgotten war between Narnia and an invading army of Spanish conquistadors. At the center of it all is ousted Prince Caspian (Ben Barnes), who’s under the impression that there are good kings in movies like this. Small actors Peter Dinklage (Station Agent) and Warwick Davis (Willow) join up in memorable supporting roles.

Somewhere around the halfway mark Caspian does what too many fantasy epics are now doing — large-scale battle. Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings movies, to which Narnia owes its soul, did it all first and, to this day, best. Cliché or not, the fighting is solid in skirmishes at castles, on forest paths and on a large meadow with massive catapults and lines of sword-clankin’ infantry. A stealthy infiltration of a rocky city is a choice sequence, as is an archery contest in the woods that leaves some heads ventilated.

Caspian is better than the first movie because it’s more fluid with its fantasy-world story, its human and animal characters, and its toned-down religious allegory. I still feel that the lion, Aslan, is a pointless hero whose role in anything is never questioned, and should be. He just shows up out of nothing to fix everything. Christ figure or lion, Aslan needs more backstory to pass off as a redeemer of Narnia. I guess it hardly matters, though, since the film will mostly be seen by people who rode to the theatre in booster seats with cheese puff residue on their fingers.

My last review of a Narnia movie ended with a mailbox full of letters from fervent Christians defending their faith as if St. Peter were taking names. In case it isn’t obvious, let me offer this: disliking a movie with a religious slant is not blasphemous. If you really want religion don’t go to a theater (or this review). Go to a church.