being a little over average.

This morning I woke up to my father yelling at everyone to wake up. So we had a family "conference" and everyone was like half asleep while my father was ranting how we all live like pigs. I guess we had been taking advantage of my dad lately because he has been doing a lot of cooking and cleaning for the family. Well since my parents are done with the restaurant, I missed having my parents cook for me at home so I just got used to my dad just cooking for us whenever we got home. But I guess he got sick of being Mr. Mom after a month and said we needed to pick up the slack. At first I felt irritated because my mom started blaming me because I am in charge of the kitchen this week, but then I felt really bad. I felt bad for not doing my job and not doing enough to help my siblings or being a good daughter. Then my dad said I had become a little more than average and that made me really sad. My parents think I have gotten "worse" over the years with my procrastination and it really made me mad but sad also. It is my fault but I wanted to blame it on my parents too because for the last five years, they've been busy with work and never home and I've had to take care of the house. I started a cry a little bit but I didn't really say anything but yeah in the end we all got over it. I understood what my father was saying and I guess I needed to try harder.

I think the most thing that hits me emotionally is being seen as a little above average which is true. Because I know I am a little above average. I have no special talents. The only reason my GPA is a bit high is because of extra AP points but I mostly have B's on my report card. I don't play a sport. I haven't really shined in anything. I have like no hobbies. What makes me special? I know that is really hard to believe but on paper, I am just a little above average. I know my parents wish I was one of those super smart kids who would get free rides to college but I'm not. But at the same time, I am glad I am not because I know a couple of those people and guess what, their personalities suck. But maybe I am just being bitter.

So about the rest of my day. After we cleaned the house, we had a nice family brunch and it was nice. As a family, we get over stuff really quick so no one was really moody. Then we just all took a rest. At around 4ish, we went to the park. I played tennis with my dad and siblings. My mom (being pregnant and all) was walking one of our dogs around. I really suck at tennis. My sixth grade sister is way better than me. That is depressing. But it is just nice to play around and hit the ball back and forth. We played until it was dark and came home and ate dinner. It was relaxing.


So I talked about visiting my old house with my mom in this post and I found the PERFECT quote to go with the feeling I felt when I visited my old home.

" You ask me what it means to be irrelevant? The feeling is akin to visiting your old house as a wandering ghost with unfinished business. Imagine going back: the structure is familiar, but the door is now metal instead of wood, the walls have been painted a garish pink, the easy chair you loved so much is gone. your office is now the family room and your beloved bookcases have been replaced by a brand-new television set. This is your house, and it is not. And you are no longer relevant to this house, to its walls and doors and floors; you are not seen. "
- Reading Lolita in Tehran

That is exactly how I felt at that moment except this describes it much better. Even though it is just a house, it is sad to know that your thumb print and your mark is no longer there. And when you die, who will remember that you lived in that house?

So to lighten up this post, I want to post my favorite song that ALWAYS makes me feel better for some reason.



Perfect song for a Sunday.

--CHRISTINA