love, love, love. it's february!

i have this habit of writing random little "letters" to myself throughout the week when there is nothing to do. and recently i stumbled upon some writing that actually caught my eye.

"I'm sad but I'm happy... and I'm happy but I'm sad. But the weird thing is, I think this is the most content I've been with myself in my whole entire life. I've simply come to accept reality and embrace everything thrown at me whether it is good or bad. I'm happy. Happy to know that my life is beautiful, and sad to know that it is only temporary."

that was actually all i wrote, minus the first sentence which wasn't really necessary to quote. but really i lied. i make it sound as if i wrote this a long time ago when really i only wrote it a week ago. it was in the morning while i waiting for school to start (to be exact). i found it yesterday with a bunch of my other notes for photography class. but still, it surprised me. i had forgotten all about it. i forget about a lot of stuff these days, i have such a bad memory. but yeah. i don't want to sound weird or anything, but i kinda just amazed myself for a moment when i read what i had written.

anyways, my aunt had a baby boy two days ago. his name is derren vang and he's 21 inches and 8 pounds! what a fattie :) he's so adorable though. and he has a whole head full of hair. we went to visit him in the hospital and he looks and sounds just like his older sisters. yay, i can't wait to see him again this weekend.
my brother's birthday was last sunday. and today he got his xbox360! how freaking lucky is that? i only ask for a simple crummy phone so i can atleast still have something to use-- anything to use, but oh well. i'm starting my volunteering hours tomorrow, tutoring kids, to prepare for my summer tutor job. so that will be something to look forward to.

so far, the great gatsby is very intruiging. but i kinda think mr. cosgrove's "to me it is the most gorgeous and beautifully written book ever" speech might've already won me over before i even began reading the book. so, i'm not sure. but i think it's beautifully written as well. i've read a lot farther than most people have, but i've refrained myself from actually finishing it. our junior projects have been assigned, and i signed up to do Anne Lamott, which is someone Mr. Cosgrove actually knows, but i'm not sure if i'm actually going to keep her. basically we have to do an annotated bibliography on a writer/author, and i just kinda chose someone for the sake of choosing someone. i'll figure it out soon enough. yay for a new month. (is it weird that i keep mentioning my literature teacher? oh my...)

OH MY GOODNESS! JUNIOR PROM IS FOURTEEN DAYS AWAY :D i will get my dress altered this weekend. and buy some cute gloves as well! even if i'm not going to san francisco with kristina or courtney, errythang'll be just as good.

eleven days until tommy's birthday (what will i ever get him!?!) and twelve more days until valentines day (what will i ever get him?!?).

♥ pachia!

resurfacing memories and the future.

Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry"Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"
--THOMAS PARKE D'INVILLIERS

i love how mr. cosgrove can take simple things that sound like nothing, and fill it up with tons of emotion and meaning you never even knew existed within it. i enjoy his lectures in class a lot. although most of the time, i'm usually zoning out or watching other people fall asleep, for the most part i pay attention. and admire him a lot. if i could aspire to be anything when i grow up, i'd dream about being a mr. cosgrove. he's so cool. it's probably really weird that i'm a sixteen year old girl, writing about her literature teacher on her internet blog, but it's kind of amazing how much his class has affected my way of thining, and even my freaking life. if i could just sit all day and listen to mr. cosgrove go on about literature and all the deeper meanings behind it, i probably would. i'd rather do that then learn pre-calculus or physics : i mean, even if he's just another teacher lecturing about things that a million other teachers out there could be lecturing about as well, it's just amazing. i don't even know him, or have i ever even had a real conversatin with him like i have with other teachers... but i think i've fallen in love with his ideals. haah. whatever that means. he's such a cute old man (and most girls in my class agree with me on that too!). his class always makes me think outside the box. but it only works when i'm in his class. other than that, i'm pretty much blank. which is why now i'm going to write on and on about nothing romantic or transcendentalist at all!

lately i've been lurking around on soompi's beauty and fashion section a lot. i've become obsessed with "the official what did you wear today" thread. and my goodness, why do people dress so nice? i'm jealous. i have no money to buy cool fabric to cover my skin with. why's everyone so educated? i feel stupid. people in that section talk about this brand and that brand, and really, i'm just sitting there dumbfounded. i know nothing to that extent! i've become out of touch with music, fashion, ... culture... okay yeah i'm done with listing things. my point is, why don't i have an area that actually freaking interests me? i'm like, all around, everywhere, a big mess, that's kappooosh all over the walls, and floors, and dripping out the windows, i don't even know where i'm going. i like literature and writing, but heck no do i want to pursue a career in that. i'm not good enough at all. of course fashion has always interested me, buuuut, i'm not sure what i can do with that, or if i even want to go in that direction. and doing something humanitarian? i'm so out of touch with things that are going on in the world right now. do i even have the courage or the voice or the will to do anything? i'm disappointed. yeah i can be creative, but i'm probably not artsy, i havent really tried anything but photoshop and photography. and although i was good at photoshop, i guess my interest for it has faded away with the past summer... and i havent really even gotten serious with photography, so i wouldn't even really know if i'm interested in that at all. wow. i feel like, i need to get myself together... but then again i'm only sixteen years old... but then again, sixteen is almost eighteen years old. i just hope that i find a passion for something soon. do i even need to? as long as i'm happy everything will be okay. i dont know... i want to contribute to the world in some way.

anyways, i hope these soompier's don't mind me posting up their outfits on my blog. i'm sure they don't mind other people seeing it, since that's the whole idea behind posting it up. i'll just credit them with their username, so i'm giving them credit. there are these guys on soompi that dress whack! it's hot. i wish all guys dressed like them. nooo. then it wouldn't be special.

BeefOtoko

okay well, i was going to post more, but soompi has an ips error. so i guess that's all.

QUOTE (keirasketch @ Jan 25 2008, 07:38 AM)
I think beefotoko, kerni, rich, & dachink should just create a thread D:
so all other guys on soompi can dress sexy too. and again, I'm serious.

i bought that junior prom dress i was raving about on the post below. but it's giving me a headache. and i need to go read the great gatsby.

his voice really is amazing.

PACHIAAAAAAAAAA!