Rosario Dawson

She looked pretty fine in Sin City. I imagine that stripping off her eyebrows would be something they'd do in the comic.

Imaginary Girlfriends Part III ..

My entry for this week’s CIWTFF (The meme that Candice didn’t really start, but I liked so I’m doing it anyway) is Sarah Shahi …


Sarah, like Christina Hendricks was on the show Life. I don’t know why I liked that show so much? But, she represents a twofer for us today. Not only is she this week’s CIWTFF, but she is also a great example of my next imaginary girlfriend.

As you know, I have been introducing you guys to my imaginary girlfriends the last two days. Today is the final day!

Imaginary Girlfriend #9: Multicultural Girl…


Multicultural girl is Black Puerto Rican, Cuban, Irish and Native American mix. Or maybe she was born in Canada to a Dutch father and Chinese mother, who was born in Indonesia and has grandparents who were born in Jamaica. Essentially, she’s the “not pure” type of person Fox News hosts apparently hate. She’s cool, smart and very exotic. He captivating beauty makes her popular with everybody and her multicultural background makes her unique and fascinating. It’s fun and interesting to talk to her about different things because of her varied interests and educational history. Also, she’s sexy as hell. Multicultural girl makes for a great trophy wife because of her exotic allure. Many imaginary male friends wish they were me and their girlfriends are jealous as hell of Multicultural Girl.


This brings us to my final imaginary girlfriend. Of course, I could keep this up forever. There are so many options. But, I’ll end it here.

Imaginary Girlfriend #10: The Hot Stanky Girl…


Not only do you NOT bring Hot Stanky Girl home to meet mom, you pretend you don’t even know who she is if mom mentions her name. The only reason you don’t catch something from her is because she’s imaginary. But, lets all be honest here. No matter how nasty we all think HSG is, we’d all nail her given half the chance. There are lots of downsides to HSG. You do have to worry that while you’re in the bathroom she might be banging three NFL players on the pool table. But, there are times when you just want a really hot, nasty girl to just have a good time with. And maybe have sex with up against a dumpster, or the hood of a car, in the bathroom at a restaurant or club, in the private lap dance room at the strip club, in the utility closet at work or school and many other places that these girls are ready, willing and able to try out. Make no mistake about it. You never feel good about yourself after a day with Hot Skanky Girl, but you don’t turn down any opportunity to hang out with her either.



Okay, that’s it for the imaginary girlfriends. I wanna give props to Marsha for blogging about her imaginary kids the other day. I think even I could put up with those kids. For a while anyway.


And shout-out to Karen is recovering from gall bladder surgery. You know, we used to have a doctor here in town who told people that the gall bladder was put in humans so that aliens from outer space could keep track of us. And you wouldn’t believe how many people actually believed him. Anyway, looks like you’re free from Extra Terrestrial control now Karen! Congrats!

The NFL is FINALLY back baby! And not a moment too soon either. Sundays were really getting to be a problem finding something interesting going on.


Sunday broke like any other day. Politicians and other loudmouths were on all the Sunday morning shows. Giada de Laurentiis and Aida Mollenkamp were steaming up the Food Network. And idiots on ESPN and FOX were blathering on and on about how the New England Patriots were once again the team to beat this season.

Then the games started. I mostly watched the Philly/St. Louis game because I was ready for Brian Westbrook to put up big numbers. And did he ever! But, at some point I decided I should switch over and see how the Chiefs were holding up against the mighty Patriots. Just as I turned the channel I suddenly got a really funny feeling. It wasn't gas either. I know what that feels like.

I couldn't quite figure out what was going on. I couldn't even articulate my symptoms well enough to get an idea of what was going on over at WebMD.

Then it happened.

Suddenly I had this feeling of peace and love and happiness come over me. I felt all warm and tingly. Like I had just had a really smoking hot stripper come over and sit on my lap. I looked up at the TV and the most amazing thing happened.

Tom Brady had dropped back to pass and just as he let go of the football, Bernard Pollard did something almost superhuman. With strength and speed that could only have come from God himself, Mr. Pollard shook off a would-be blocker and shot through the line of scrimmage like a bullet. A bullet that hit Tom Brady smack dab in the middle of his right knee.

And just like the NFL became exciting and competitive again.

Not mention causing thousands of fantasy football team owners to fall into a deep depression and hit the bottle pretty hard.



Okay, so this week in the Cynical Blog League....



And here are the standings after week one ....




And finally .... On Sunday Carolina Tight End Dante Rosario caught a touchdown with no time left on the clock that beat San Diego. But, check out Fox Sports' graphic...


Uhh .. Hey Fox Sports.

This is Dante Rosario...


And this is Rosario Dawson ...


Let's try to keep them straight, okay?