Visit to the Derrick Mason Show

Right before the end of the season I decided to take my son to The Greene Turtle in Owings Mills. The last game was coming up and I didn't know if they'd have the show during the playoffs. And Derrick Mason threatens to retire every year and you don't know if my actually be serious this time.


We arrived right around 5:30. The show starts at 6pm and runs until 8pm. The place was already packed, but we were able to get a booth near the back, but I could clearly see the radio platform. Derrick Mason and Stan White show up right around 6pm.

Here's Derrick Mason interacting with whom I would assume to be the producer.


The show is pumped over the speakers in the restaurant, but it is very unceremonious. It was right after Christmas as they were talking about their holidays as if anyone cared. Autographs. We want autographs!

During the first commercial break I literally throw my son up to the booth to get a photo of Mason signed. Mason signs it. He doesn't say anything to my son. Doesn't look at him. Doesn't acknowledge him in any way. Just signs it and hands it back to him.


Le'Ron McClain shows up around 7-ish as the "special guest". He's special alright. He sits and texts nearly the entire time. Doesn't look at the crowd. Doesn't talk to anyone except Stan White and Derrick Mason. Text. Text. Text. He acted like a 300 pound male version of my daughter, though with slightly darker hair.

Le'Ron? Le'Ron? Are you there???? OMG. Where R U? LOL. TTYL.


During the commercials - guess what they did? They sat there. Didn't talk to each other. Didn't talk to the crowd. I have to say - I'm very disappointed in this show. Derrick Mason is supposed to be cool. This ain't cool.

Commercial break. Text. Stare. Stare. Isn't this entertaining?


I send my son back up for another autograph for my nephew. He's hesitant to go. But he goes because I'm the dad. When he gets up there the autograph police tell him to go stand in a kid line that wraps around the fire exit behind the stage. He moves over to that line and stands there for almost an entire minute, then comes around with this disgruntled look on his face. "I'm not standing in that line. I'm ready to go home."

So my son's first experience with the Ravens up close is a big bust. He's not impressed with them. He's not impressed with the lines. He's not impressed with the autograph police. I'm not impressed with their lack of enthusiasm. Was it just a bad night? I don't know. I've never been to an event like this before, so I have no baseline. I hope Mason was just in a foul mood because he just heard that annoying Crystal Koons commercial on the radio. So we'll give him the benefit of the doubt and we'll try another event when it comes up.

Ravens Fan Cruise

Here's an opportunity that any Ravens fan will love. AAA and Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines are offering a cruise in July 2010 that will feature some of the Ravens' players. Included are Le'Ron McClain, Jared Gaither, and former Ravens Jonathan Ogden and Michael McCrary.

Several other Ravens were invited, but won't be able to attend. They include:

Mark Clayton - he let the opportunity slip through his fingers
Ed Reed - right before he was supposed to get on board he lateraled his boarding pass and lost possession of it.
Joe Flacco - he agreed to attend, but they docked the cruise ship in the end-zone and he had no idea where that was.
Steve Hauschka - was enthusiastic, but boarded the ship that was three feet to the left of the Ravens ship
Dominique Foxworth - also wanted to go, but refused to get within 10 feet of the boat and it left without him.
Anita Marks (radio and tv show host) - refused to board the ship unless the Ravens signed Brandon Marshall
Terrell Suggs - invited, but he was later rejected for having too much baggage.
Mike Preston (Baltimore Sun sports writer) - after severely criticizing the color and length of the cruise ship, the number of guests on board, and the intended course of the ship, he found a bag of donuts and stayed home.
ESPN - refused to believe the Ravens would actually make it to the cruise ship
Kyle Boller - he sucked so they refused to extend his contract and he was picked up by St. Louis as a back-up quarterback. Oh, wait, that really did happen.
NFL Referees - they refused to go because they hate the Ravens and threw pass-interference flags anytime a player got within 3 feet of the boat.

Thanks to my circle of friends for their input into this list. I did not come up with all of these on my own.

Birthday List

I was looking at the calendar and realized we are almost to August. And as you may remember - my birthday is in August, which means you are probably struggling to figure out that perfect gift to get me. Without further ado, here is a short list of some things that you can pick out for me.

1) ZZ Top Keys (been on the list for several years now!)
2) Ferrari 599
3) Martin O'Malley's resignation
4) 12" Sliding Compound Laser Guided Miter Saw
5) Apple Mac Pro
6) 60' Sea Ray Sundancer
7) French Toast
8) 40' x 25' 3-Story gabled single peak addition to my home
9) Season tickets for the Ravens
10) Jordana Brewster
11) Winnebago Outlook
12) South Carolina beachfront home
13) An alligator
14) Oak display cabinet with glass doors
15) 43-inch Pioneer Elite PRO-920HD
16) Vera Wang Serta Beyond Comfort Eurotop mattress
17) iPhone with lifetime prepaid plan
18) 2 week vacation in St. Thomas
19) Jack Daniel's Single Barrel whiskey
20) Restored 1973 Corvette Stingray with t-tops

Obama or Ravens?

Yesterday afternoon I was given the option of going to soccer practice, attending a soccer coach's meeting (which I honestly forgot about) and watching Obama bin Biden or going to the Ravens' game. After half a second of careful consideration, I decided to wait until the soccer practice was canceled, which it was.


And I wasn't really interested in Obama. More of the same - we need unspecified change and this is a momentous moment. Tom Brokow and Brian Williams were just as giddy with excitement in anticipation of Obama's upcoming speach. The were bursting at the seems. Want to bet that they lethargic and highly critical of McCain?


Anyway, we (my friend Dave, his daughter and my daughter) left for the game at 4:30 and go to the parking lot about 5:15. This was after passing a sign stating that there was a 4 hour back-up leading up to the Bay Bridge. Think we need another bridge? I'd say so. It's only another billion dollars. Just end the Iraq War a day early and there's your money.


After tailgating for a while, the 4 of us head into the stadium. There's not many people in attendance today. Perhaps they're all home watching the guy with 2 years of national political experience accept the Democrats' bid for the presidency.


Highlights of the night include a bunch of people arriving mid-2nd quarter to jibes of, "The game started at 7 o'clock!!!" And some drunk-ass guy walked into my aisle, stood in front of me and said in a jerk-head way, "Get up, pal. You're in my seat!!!" I stood up to his face and said, "let's see." I pulled out my ticket. Section 503, Row 15? "No, I'm in row 16." "Well, I guess you're sitting behind me now, aren't you???" ('huckfead' under my breath) After that he was as nice as could be. He must have apologized 4 times. Whatever. Good rule of thumb - don't act like a F'in Jackass until you know that you're right.

For Mort - sorry it's blurry. Not quite the same as an Orioles game on a hot July night. It was about 65 degrees and raining. Boooo!


We left at halftime, because the kids had school the next day. The game was melodramatic. A couple of decent passes, but nothing spectacular. Though it looks like yet another season of a dismal Ravens' offense.