Salma Hayek:
Thalia:
Daniela de Jesus Cosio:
And…
That’s right people. ME! Today I am an Honorary Mexican.
See, every year on March 17th, St. Patrick’s Day, people all over the world, and all over America declare themselves to be Irish for one day and celebrate. As a Penis-American of Irish descent, I tolerate this. Hell, I even encourage it. As long as I personally don’t have to deal with your obnoxious drunk ass, I fully support this.
So, I think it’s only fair that on Cinco de Mayo I get to declare myself an honorary Mexican. But, unlike most of the honorary Irishmen, most of whom couldn’t find Ireland on a map, let alone honor Ireland in any way other than on March 17, I have expressed my love and support of Mexico many times here. I’ve even talked about the possibility of someday moving to a nice little Mexican fishing village. Not to mention my love of Telemundo and Gallavision.
So, I think my honorary Mexicaness on Cinco de Mayo is pretty much beyond reproach.
As many of you know, I traditionally celebrate Cinco de Mayo by playing “Alamo” with Paulina Rubio. For those of you who don’t know how to play that game. Basically, Paulina pretends to be the Alamo and I pretend to be Santa Ana an lay siege to her all day long.
What Paulina might look like…
Yes, I know that Cinco de Mayo has nothing to do with the Alamo, but this is MY celebration, thank you. Besides, I really couldn’t come up with anything clever for the Mexican victory over the French at Puebla. All I could think of was a scenario where I fought alongside the Mexicans and eventually captured Clemence Poesy and she fell in love with me and we lived forever in a quaint Mexican fishing village.
What Clemence Poesy* might look like…
But, the problem with that is that my hooking up with a French** chick just isn’t believable. So, I dismissed that plan.
Anyway, as a self-appointed Honorary Mexican for the day (and maybe longer if I really like it) I should point out that I am also the President of all Self-Appointed Honorary Mexicans. This means that I get to decide who is and isn’t Mexican for a day. This is a pretty awesome power that I don’t take lightly.
First, someone who doesn’t get to be Mexican for a day. Mike Bacsik, a former shitty major league pitcher and now former shitty sports talk radio host who got off this blast on his twitter account as the Dallas Mavericks where losing to the San Antonio Spurs in the NBA playoffs…
You know, I just don’t think that’s the kind of attitude us honorary Mexicans are looking for.
But, you know who DOES get to be honorary Mexican for the day? My good friend from Twitter Mrs_JCC. Mrs_JCC is actually Puerto Rican, but she has decided that not only should she be an Honorary Mexican today, but that we should all make the day all about her. And, who’s gonna say no to her? I mean, she’s smart, funny and down right hot…
Yeah, I’d make a run for her border. ifyouknowwhatImean
So, Mrs_JCC as President of all Honorary Mexicans I declare that today is YOUR day! We shall all celebrate it with you. Wanna play Alamo?
No? Well that’s understandable. How ‘bout we just have some tacos and burritos and then wash them down with some margaritas? Yeah, that will be fun.
Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone!
*You might be trying to figure out how you know Ms. Poesy. Well, you might have seen her in “In Bruges” with Collin Ferrell, which was a terrific movie. But, more likely you remember her as Fleur Delacour in “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.” And “Deathly Hallows.”
**Sorry Grant. I just couldn’t find a way to mix any J-Bunnies into this whole Cinco de Mayo thing. I’m sure you can though. You’re just more creative than me that way.
