All Pooped Out....

So as I mentioned on Monday I had to deal with a Kidney Stone Situation last week.  This isn’t the first, or even second kidney stone I’ve had.  And it wasn’t nearly as bad as the first one.  I think the first one is probably the worst because it’s a whole new experience and you have know idea what the hell is going on and think you might be about to die. 

Once you’ve had a kidney stone, you recognize the next one pretty quickly and know that you’re not going to die, so you avoid the panic.  Although the pain is enough to wish you would die sometimes. 

But, like I said, this one wasn’t as bad.  There was no vomiting and the pain was tolerable for the most part.  Of course, I’m a super tough bad-ass kind of guy so don’t be embarrassed if you can’t tolerate the pain of a kidney stone yourself.  In fact, I totally recommend that you go to the ER or call your doctor if you experience one.  If things hadn’t eased off as quickly as they did, I would have done the same.

So anyway, a few hours of really bad pain, loss of sleep and general discomfort for a few more hours and all then I apparently passed that bitch because all was well.  Well, not “all” really. 


In comments on Monday Bambi thanked me for not posting about my morning rituals.  Well, you see, I was already working on a blog discussing just that.  Sorry Bambi.  Or, maybe I should say thanks for the inspiration Bambi!


As painful as annoying as the kidney stone was, there was something else going on last week that was just as bothersome.  You see, I’m a really regular guy.  And by “regular” I mean, I you can basically set your clocks by my morning poop. 

I’m very proud of my regularness in this area.  A lot of people aren’t all that regular you know.  They have all kinds of problems in this area.  But, I poop every single morning.  And, about three times a week I will poop a second time around noonish.  This has been my schedule for years now.  Impressive huh?

Well, last week I found myself unable to poop for three freaking days!  Needless to say I was very worried.  This is totally not like me.  Even missing one day is very rare.  So going two days without pooping had me wondering if I need to call the doctor or something. 

Like most things in life, my situation also made me think of Hank Hill.  I think you can probably relate just about anything that happens to you in life to an episode of “King of the Hill.”  Anyway, I remembered the episode where Hank was backed up just like I was and remember that moment he decided not to worry about it anymore by declaring “If I never poop again, well that’ll just be who I am.” 

Luckily on Friday morning, about 72 hours after my last poop, I finally pooped again.  I was a little disappointed though.  There wasn’t any dramatic music or feeling of triumph. There weren’t any Paraguayan babes cheering me on like there should have been. And, it wasn’t really a very memorable poop.

I mean, you would think that if you hadn’t pooped in 72 hours (well, 71 hours 56 mins to be a little more exact) that it would be a pretty major event.  Or a really big poop.  I mean, where did it all go?  Shouldn’t this poop have been a big one?  Instead it wasn’t much of a poop at all.  And then Saturday I just went back to regular pooping. 

So now I’m trying to figure out how I can go 72 hours without pooping and not have built up some extra poop.  I mean, shouldn’t I have been pooping several times throughout the weekend to make up for the lost pooping opportunities during the week?  Kinda like losing sleep during the week and making up for it by sleeping extra on the weekend.  But, I didn’t.  So, I guess that’s normal.  Either that or I was just all pooped out and had to take the time to make some more. 

Anyway, you’ll be happy to know that I am both peeing and pooping normally again.