Hey Mabel, Cut Me A Fat Slice Of That There Bloody Cake, Would Ya?

Seriously you guys, you should all program your names into Google and let it tell you what you've been up to. It is almost as fun a game as Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.

Ellie and Emily are lined up to get their birthday cake: Sacrificial Lamb red velvet. His head slid off because I packed his neck with red cherry pie filling for when you decapitate him.

Bloody decapitated Sacrificial Lamb birthday cake. Mmmm-mmmm good... I was mad that Ellie got the chocolate tumor hidden in the brain though. Next year Mom and Dad said that we can actually burn an animal but we have to call it a "luau" so they don't get in trouble again. A harlot pinata would be cool too - instead of a bat we can just throw stones. So excited!

Emily took sixth place in the discus with a toss of 36.33 meters.

Had no idea I was such a bad-ass did ya?

From Seafest in Kaikoura to a week of World Buskers in Christchurch, you'll catch Emily getting involved in every possible Canterbury event.

Oh yes you will, Bob! I hit the World Buskers Festival every year - right after I take Burning Man by storm and rip it up at the Haggis Festival.

Emily tried to avoid eye contact with Rob as she sat down. She smiled at the rest.

Well, I was a little embarrassed for him - he looked exactly like Captain Kangaroo and was wearing that weird little tiara. I smiled at everyone else because, well... unlike Cap'n Rob, they weren't naked.

...hahaha that was soo ridiculous my feet were burning so bad when i finally got sober.

No comment.

Emily Pearson, unattached.

Yes, I am alone. Thanks for the oh-so public announcement.

What Emily wants most: For me and her to be ACE ACE Reporters in crime!

No, what I want most is for this weird stalker chick with bad skin and camel toe - that follows me everywhere I go, asking inappropriate questions to all my friends - to leave me the the hell alone!

emilyXOpearson yeah but he's old and has a molestor moustache.

Molester moustache. Looks like Uncle Pervy is coming to the party again - with his goggles and incurable case of jock itch. Awesome.

Other than that, Emily's biggest adventures have been growing out three teeth at the same time, and throwing up strawberries.

So I'm having some dental and digestive issues. Don't judge me until you've walked a mile in my big girl panties.

emily pearson: katie and I are having drunk spelling competitions in the backseat.

Third best game EVER.

Pearson died in the crash.

Well at least now we know how I died.

But, I gotta say... First Prize goes to This Guy:

I'm bumping this, because Emily Pearson says that she is scouring the internet for people mentioning her name. And I am mentioning her name so I can be elected the First Elder of the Church of Emily Pearson of Latter-Day Saints.

Dude, you are now officially the First Elder of the Church of Emily Pearson of Latter-Day Saints. First two items of business: (1) Go collect me some tithing and (2) Quick run to Idaho and seal me to either Batman or Rock Hudson who is dead and no longer gay.

* * *
Related Links:
Hey Mabel, Put This In Your Hat And Smoke It