i had a revelation today.
i don't know what the hell i am doing with my life! i know that i've become really addicted to things which have held me back from doing other things. i know that i've become lazy and just don't feel like i really need to do anything at all right now except live everyday the way it comes. but today, i didn't just know those things, i saw those things for what they really were. i've simply lost sight of who i am and what it was i set out to do for myself and the world, ever since i was a young girl.
so im going to make changes gradually. the first, starting with my diet.
eating right, i've realized, is not just for my body but is for the world. i love animals and have felt bad for consuming them ever since i became aware i was killing to eat, but really, i need to cut down on my meat intake. i've been telling myself that i need to start eating healthy and start losing weight for years, but what has compelled me to really try and become a vegetarian is the recent oil spill in the gulf. honestly, i'm scared of whats going to happen. the environment is becoming so fragile that i don't even know what to think or how to feel--how to even explain how i feel. maybe this whole 2012 scare is getting to me and i'm simply just noticing the earthquakes, volcano eruptions, tsunamis and natural disasters that happen all the time more this year. or maybe something really is happening. i don't know. all i know is, i know i can do something to make a difference in pollution and slaughter, and i'm going to do it. me going vegetarian is not going to stop the thousands of cows, pigs, chickens and turkeys from dying every day, but atleast i can say that i'm not part of it. atleast i know that no matter how small of a difference it makes it still makes a difference.
i'm going to do it. dieting has always been hard for me, but i've realized, that if i can't commit myself to a simple diet then i really am not going to be able to commit myself to anything important in life.
on another note. i'm waiting to hear back from the new job position i took up. i kind of left them a hectic voicemail last week... so i hope they don't think of me differently and decide to not offer me the job because i already gave i love teriyaki my two-week notice!
i'm going to really miss working at i love teriyaki. well... probably not as much as i feel i am going to right now, but i'll miss it enough. i've had some crazyy horrible times there with customers and co-workers, but i've also had some crazyyy good times there as well. for example, i'm really fond of this one regular. he's extremely sweet and used to always come in and order the same thing every single day. he kind of disappeared for the past few months and i kind of missed him and his friendly hello that put me in a good mood all the time, but i got over it. he came back however! lol. yes, he came back. he came back about a week ago and told me he changed locations for his job so that's why he hadn't come by for so long. today he came in again and he finally, after these past nine months of working at i love teriyaki and serving him, accumulated 650 points on his bonus card and got the $70 gift card. i told him i was leaving and that it was nice to see him finally get the $70 gift card he wanted to get so much for this past year before i left. in return, he told me he was also leaving soon. he told me that he was going to go to the army in four months. it was kind of a sad moment--i don't know if on his part but definitely on my part--because i had grown so fond of him and it seemed like we almost had become friends. we always learned a little more about each other with every encounter. in the end, however, it was simply a "it was nice knowing you." he said that. and what made me feel even more sad was the "take care." i'm not sad because he said it in an emotionless way (which he didn't, despite the way i make it sound), i'm simply sad because we will probably never see each other again. i'm grateful that i love teriyaki was a place that connected me to so many people, even if it was just in the form of a "hello, how are you doing today?" and a "have a nice day! thank you." i'm going to miss having that small connection to others. i really wish i wasn't so stupid and had more to say to him about him leaving for the army though. i really do appreciate all that soldiers sacrifice for this country, and i wish i was able to let him know that. hopefully he comes in again before i leave so i can let him know. and hopefully i'm not an awkward mess like i always am--need to work on that!
goodnight. i should be sleeping already because i do have work in the morrow! :) i think because i know i'm not going to be working there any longer, i really am enjoying work these days. haha. my coworkers are probably nicer too, since i'm leaving and they're going to miss me, lol. i'm real nervous about my new job though. ahh. i don't know what to expect...
just trying to get myself together, again. not going to stop until i do.
- pancha
No comments:
Post a Comment