Hey Mabel, Put This In Your Hat And Smoke It

Google may have deemed me risky and damaging, and they may have taken away my $18.47 a year, but they continue to give me something of far greater value. Emily Pearson Alerts. Every time my name is mentioned on the Internet, they let me know what was said and who said it. It's awesome.

I bet there are several yummy tidbits floating around out there you all didn’t even know about me…

... game of the tournament 32-15 over Sacred Heart (0-2) thanks to a big 14-point effort from Meagan Pearson, combined with 10 points from Emily Pearson.

I have a secret twin sister named Meagan, with whom I kick a soccer ball and serious catholic school girl ass.

A large broad-brimmed hat, dyed in an elusive mixture of colors to produce a distinctive shade of pale gold, was presented to Emily Pearson by her long-time friend and employer Mabel Arkwright.

That wacky Mabel. She knew I already had a large, distinctive, golden broad-rimmed hat. I had asked her for a Giant Red One to wear when we go out to Applebee’s with our friends. She is such a tease.

…was Pearson's fiance who knows Jim was too weak to commit murder. Emily made a great detective as she was the type of person who can get everyone to talk…

My fiancé did know that Jim was too weak to commit murder. But he was not too weak to swing in a kilt from that chandelier. And that was his downfall. I do prefer that people not know of my great detective skills, though. They will stop talking. My capers will be foiled and all my hard work for naught.

Emily Pearson says: Thank you for your fair and hones. Sonic is not a crack head drunk. Plz dont eat me ...

I knew I shouldn’t have gotten drunk before that interview.

Emily Pearson: White

Was not aware that was in question. Yes, I am white. And, again, no I am not a drag queen.

Emily Topless

Shit. Did they see that???

OF MICE AND MEN by Emily Pearson

Well, now the cat’s out of the bag…

Fay and Emily were super brave and went into the big pool.

Fay and I did get super brave that day. Wondering if she got busted for being topless too. Meagan and Mabel must have told on us. I bet I can use my super skills to get them to talk.

FreedomFestival Thx to Emily Pearson

You’re welcome. Freedom for all. Courtesy of me.

Sergeant-at-Arms Emily Pearson on how you would like us to handle the cash

Cone of silence, Dude! Cone of silence!

This was my second visit to photograph Emily, so I was very excited to see how she had grown.

I thought it very rude of this photographer to send me a year’s supply of chocolate just so he could document my “growth.” Asshole.

Hoe Down Throw Down Abby & Emily Pearson Talent Show 2010

Best. Title. Ever. This event will be held on May 14.

Here is Emily Pearson, who died.

And there you have it. Maybe Google is out to get me after all.