First of all let’s all go over to Knight’s place and wish her a Happy Birthday! If you don’t know Knight, then you life sucks. She is smart, charming, gorgeous and ridiculously talented. She doesn’t blog as much as I wish she would, but I have all those photos that I taped to the shrine I built in her honor to keep me happy between blog posts.

Okay, so technically I’m late with this because Knight’s birthday was on Tuesday. But, here’s the deal. See, I thought her birthday was on Wednesday. So, that means that by posting this on Wednesday night, even though it’s my Thursday post, I’m still technically no … uh … yeah, I’m late with this. I could have posted this Tuesday night, but I was too lazy.

Anyway, Happy Birthday Knight!!!

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Check out this monster I found wandering down the side of the wall today!


Yeah, I posted the pic on both Twitter and Facebook today. So shoot me. But I didn’t tell you about the epic struggle to kill him.

So I was sitting there doing something important when I heard a voice say “You gonna eat the rest of that sandwich?” This kind of freaked me out cause I was the only one in the room. I looked all around the room and couldn’t find anyone so I went back to doing whatever important thing it was that I was doing *coughTwitteringcough* when I heard the same voice again.

“And that Diet Sierra Mist would really help wash it down.”

This time I instinctively looked to the right, where the voice came from and there that big bad-ass spider was. He was looking at my sandwich the way the way I look at the Gossip Girls…


Except that underage one. I’m not even noticing her at all. The one in the middle. I think. Cause I didn’t look.


Anywhoo, I jumped up and said “No way Mr. Spider! You aren’t getting any of my sandwich or Diet Sierra Mist.”

Mr. Spider then said “Oh come on! Just share with me and I’ll be on my way and promise not to haunt your dreams.”

To which I replied “NEVER! We shall fight to the death! Besides, it’s too late. You’ll already haunt my dreams anyway.”

Then, using my cat-like super ninja skills I sprang to my feet and grabbed the sports section from today’s newspaper, rolled it up and took a mighty swing at him.

Unfortunately the spider took the newspaper away from me and said “That’s not very nice!”

Then he chased me into the other room. Luckily had my 12 gage shotgun ready to go and blasted away. This really pissed him off. So there was only one option left. I took some of the leftover C4 that I have in a drawer and set a booby trap for him. And, because spiders have brains about the size of sand pebble, he walked right into it.

Unfortunately there isn’t a roof on my building anymore. And it’s supposed to rain tonight, which is really gonna suck. But, at least I can sleep peacefully knowing that I blew that spider’s legs all in different directions and his little testicles probably few all the way to Missouri.

And that’s all that matters.