Carrolltowne Elementary - Locked Down

Carrolltowne Elementary school in Eldersburg was locked down today because of a robbery at the nearby Susquehanna Bank. For the safety of the children all doors were locked and there was limited access. This makes sense, right?

Fortunately, the suspect was apprehended by Carroll County's finest. He was hiding under a children's pool in someone's back yard. I'm not sure if they labeled him a person of interest or a suspect, but when you're hiding under a kiddie pool in the middle of winter - you're guilty of something.

And speaking of locked down, as of Sunday Carrolltowne Elementary School had yet to remove the snow from the emergency exits of the portable classrooms. I suspect that this may be a violation. If my children were in these classrooms I would have called and complained while subsequently going up there and shoveling it myself. I wonder what school administrators and the fire marshal have to say about this.


And as I stated before I took these photographs on Sunday after the kids had been in school for 3 days.

Casualties of Apples and Snow

The snow has claimed another victim. And for once, I am the victim. Moving hundreds, if not thousands, of pounds of snow is bound to cause an injury. On Saturday last week my wrist started to hurt. Then the next day it started to hurt some more. Then the next day it started hurting even more, but with the added bonus of less strength and less mobility. The next day blessed me with a grinding sound.

My mom is nurse and when I spoke to her on Wednesday night I mentioned that my wrist was in a lot of pain. She asked if I was taking an anti-inflammatory. I told her I was taking Advil. She asked how much? I told her about 12 per day. Yeah, it's time to go the doctor.

I made my appointment for Thursday evening. This would alleviate any conflict with leaving work early. I made the appointment at Carroll Primary Care over by Liberty High School. It would be the first time I visited this doctor. There's a pool of doctors and sometimes you just get who you get.


I arrived at 7:20pm, signed in, paid my copay, and sat down. I picked up Sports Illustrated's swimsuit issue that was sitting on the chair and I was only 15 bikinis into it when they called me back. Damn!!! For once I didn't care if I sat in the waiting room for an hour!

First they weighed me. (Those machines lie!!!) I was then led into a room. The room was decorated with an American flag border around the top, ceramic miniatures of famous buildings such as the White House, the Capitol Building, Independence Hall, the Lincoln Memorial, and the Jefferson Memorial, to name a few. On the wall was a framed picture of Ronald Reagan and the Constitution. Wow!!! This is my kind of doctor!!!

When he arrived he diagnosed my problem quickly - an inflamed tendon, that can quickly be cured with an immobilizing wrist brace and a stronger anti-inflammatory medicine. We then talked politics for like 15 minutes. What a cool doctor!!!

Meanwhile, on the same day, my 14 year old neighbor was having surgery. A month or so ago she was using one of those Pampered Chef apple slicers. Well, it sliced more than her apple. It sliced a tendon on her finger and then it never healed properly. Her doctor recommended immediate surgery.I feel bad for her because she's very active in school with volleyball and the clarinet. Plus the finger is on her right hand and she's right-handed. But in a few weeks she'll be as good as new.

And here we are show-casing our injuries. Perhaps I can be her right hand and she can be my left hand:

Follow Up to Carroll County Bureaucrats

Who says actions speak louder than words? Taking lessons from Martin O'Malley, I'm taking credit for the snow removal in my neighborhood. Who knew that bureaucrats for Carroll County read my blog and noticed my complaints?

When I arrived home today after work, I noticed that my streets were much wider. Two cars could actually pass each other rather than having to pull into someone's driveway while allowing the other car to pass. However, I did not see the piles of snow lined up against everyone's driveway. To me this meant that the snow was removed. When I pulled into my driveway I looked around and saw where they put the snow - in the front yards of my neighbors across the street. So each of them now have 9 foot piles of brown and gray snow in the middle of their yards.

Additionally, my mailbox is now accessible without the mail carrier having to get out of her truck and walk up my ice path. But this wasn't done before she left me a nasty-gram. Yesterday when I got home from work I found this in my mailbox.



She wanted me to remove the 6ft by 4ft by 30 ft section of packed ice. Now, if a cubic foot of water weighs 62.38 pounds, then I would need to remove 335,953 pounds of ice. If my calculations are correct - Post Office lady - you can kiss my butt.

Dear Carroll County Bureaucrats

Dear Carroll County Bureaucrats,

Thank you for plowing my street. Thank your plowing my street 6 days after the last snow storm. Thank you for plowing my street 6 days after the last snow storm and not within a couple of days of the storm with the snow was still snow and somewhat manageable. Thank you for plowing my street 6 days after the last snow storm when the street was 4 inches of packed ice and the street was only wide enough for one car. Thank you for placing 25 pound chunks of solid ice at the end of my driveway so that I had to clear my driveway at 6:45 am and be late for work. Thank you for not entirely clearing the street, nor making no attempt at making my street any wider so that 2 cars could pass. Thank you for the blind corners. Thank you for the streets where the lanes come to a sudden end and we are forced into the lanes of oncoming traffic (see Hemlock Drive in Eldersburg).

Dear Helen the Post Office Delivery Lady,

I am sorry that I didn't shovel out my mailbox. I made a horrible assumption that the plow would come within a day or so of the last storm and push more of the snow off of the street, after which I would clear away the remaining snow (see previous letter). Unfortunately, the snow in front of the mailbox is now a 4 ft high polar ice cap and I am making no attempt to remove it. I left my pick-ax in San Francisco during the last gold rush. I hope that my 18 inch wide path to the mailbox from the middle of the street will suffice until May when this snow has finally melted. I do not envy your job for the next several weeks.

Dear Carroll County Board of Education,

Thank you for utilizing your new auto-dialer every time schools are opening late. I really like to get that dream shattering panic phone call at 6am to tell me that my elementary school children who normally leave for school at quarter-to-nine will be going in at quarter-to-eleven instead. It's always good to know several hours ahead of time. Additionally, I forgot how to watch Channel 11 in the morning to find out this news for myself, so your method of communication is wonderful.

Thank you for the conversation that we had when I called to complain about the calls. I totally understand that your system is rigid and inflexible. I understand that technology is at a total stand-still and there is absolutely no way to call people at different times or opt out of certain calls. Yes, I would like to know when there is a local emergency, but understand that also requires you to call me at 6am when schools are opening late. It's an all or nothing technology. Sort of like automobiles. Options are not a reasonable request.

Fortunately Carroll County bureaucrats were not running this country in the 1770's. I can imagine that you would have thrown up your hands and surrendered to the British tyrannical demands. There's no other way, right? We have no options, right? Just go back to sitting on your hands and running the county. You're doing a great job!!!

Sincerely,

Eludius, the understanding citizen of South Carroll

A Week in a Bottle

In a state that refuses to allow purchases of fine wines over the Internet (thank you Nathanial McFadden - that's sarcasm - I know you've been bought by the liquor board to vote that way!), we have had the most unbelievable week in my recent memory - and I have a bad memory.


We started last Saturday with a huge snowstorm - the most snow in the history of the state of Maryland according to Governor Martin O'Malley - despite the fact that we got more snow in the 2003 President's Day Blizzard. But then again, Martin O'Malley wasn't Governor then. He was slummin' it as the Mayor of Baltimore back when homicides were at their highest. Give credit to Sheila Dixon - murders dropped on her watch. Marty - why were there so many murders during your tenure as mayor???

In an unprecedented occurrence, another blizzard hit Maryland 4 days later. Was this another record for Maryland? Martin O'Malley gave the rhetoric - "we're moving forward. We are using our resources to effectively help the citizens of Maryland during this trying time. Blah-blah. Blah-blah-bla." Did you notice that the members of his administration were wearing really big boots while he was giving his speech? I think there's more on the ground than snow.


On the other hand, new mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake is telling it like it is. When asked if side streets will be plowed soon, she replied 'not a chance'. You can dislike being stuck on a side-street, but you have to respect her honesty. I'm pulling for you, SRB!

Meanwhile, in my neighborhood, we went 2 days before being plowed out from the first snowstorm. I called the county and asked when we would get plowed and was told that most of the snow removal equipment was broken because the snow was so deep and heavy. Finally on Monday night I see this GIANT front-end loader pushing a mound of snow larger than several of my Honda Pilots.



Then the second storm hit. I heard that Martin O'Malley instructed Carroll County to not plow my neighborhood until tonight (almost 4 days after the storm) because he doesn't like the honesty of my blog. So at 8:45 tonight a plow FINALLY went down my street. However, it's been nearly 4 days and the street is nearly 8 inches of packed ice. Additionally. it's now in the 20's so the snow is now ice. The plows coming through had the same effect as me using a butter knife to slice ice cubes. It just didn't work. Do you think they'll come back tomorrow?

So as we look out our windows tonight with the Olympics blaring on our televisions, we hear news of another snow storm on the heels of our progress. Global warming experts are shifting their logic to say, 'global warming will cause it to be colder and snowier. It's common sense!' I don't know who to believe. The only thing I know is that my arm still hurts from shoveling snow and I'm tired.

Mother Nature - can you give us a break for a while? Please?

Surprise - Snow!!!

Last night the weather people said that we would most likely wake up to some icy streets. If there was snow it would be farther out west.

I woke up this morning at 6:50am to the sound of a shovel scraping against the pavement. I quickly sprang to my feet, threw open the sash, and show a fat little man and eight tiny reindeer. Oops, wrong story. I awoke and peeked behind the honeycomb blinds and looked out the double-paned Anderson windows and saw that it had snowed.

I went downstairs and looked out the front door and saw that we got about 2 inches of snow and ice. So we live way out west? And they say that we may get more of the same tonight. Icy streets or more snow?

One of my friends posted on Facebook "Where did all this snow come from?" My retort? "the sky!"

If I did my job as accurately as the weathermen, (or is it weather people?), I would have been fired a long time ago.

White Death

The panic has set in. Fortunately all 2 real news shows in Baltimore will have live 24 hour coverage to inform us of each 1/16 on an inch of accumulation from various locations throughout the metro area.

I woke up in a panic this morning not knowing what some stranger would be thinking walking along a major road at 6:30 a.m. Fortunately, WBAL was there to interview that guy.

And did you know that some parking lot in the city has 4 inches of snow? Had they not informed me of that fact I may have suddenly grown concerned later in the day. How much snow is in that parking lot in the city? Oh, no! Which channel will tell me?

Don't you hate being that person who legitimately needs to go grocery shopping close to the time when it starts snowing? My family needed milk - we drink about 2 gallons per week. After all there are 5 people in my family. My wife left for the grocery store at 9am - just after the 2 oldest kids got on the bus to head to the government-mandated institute of indoctrination. She arrived at Martin's in Eldersburg to find that there were zero parking spots. Zero. None. Nada. What the hell?

Safeway is the next (pardon the pun) safe destination. No one shops at Safeway since they have a delusional pricing system. Seriously. I've seen an ad that said: Coke 12 packs 3 for $12, save $5.99 each! Does the management's office in Safeway have a lot of glass mirrors on the desk?

Anyway - there were no parking spaces at Safeway either. So it was off to Shoppers Food Warehouse. My wife said that there were nearly 10 times as many people in the SFW parking lot than normal. Nearly 15 cars! She saved the day. We got the milk. I suggested to her that if SFW was too crowded to do our grocery shopping at the Exxon Quick Mart.

And what's the deal with snow and toilet paper? Do people poop more when it snows? Which reminds me....I need to go to he little library. I'll be back soon. Have fun in the snow!

It's The Snow, Stupid

My daughter has once again proven why she is smarter than my wife and me. As you know, it snowed heavily on Sunday night. We got about 6 inches altogether. My children were delighted that school was closed was on Monday. They spent the entire day sledding and playing with friends.

Tuesday was not so great. They only got a 2-hour delay. My daughter was complaining to my wife that it's not fair. My wife told her to look at the bright side. Since they didn't have off of school, they would get out of school a day earlier in June and would get an extra day of swimming. My daughter's comeback: "We can go swimming anytime in the summer. You can't go sledding anytime in the winter."

Ahh! She got us again. She's so right! How many days in the year is there enough snow to go sledding? I'm mean, with global warming frying up the Earth at a dizzying pace, we're lucky that we even get snow, or the 7° days that we've had all week. Why can't we be as smart as our children?