Actually, since I’m sure you really are wondering. I hurt it getting dressed. No really. I did. I was putting my pants on and lifted my left leg and felt something in my back pull.
The injury isn’t really all that bad, just more annoying than anything. The heating pad helped with the morning stiffness this morning. And I was out and about for part of the day, but it started hurting this afternoon so I came back home and laid down for a while and that helped too.
While I was lying there I suddenly realized something. I don’t have any access to drugs. Like some Vicodin or OxyContin or Percocet or any of that good stuff. How the hell did this happen to me? How did I end up in situation where I had NO friends or acquaintances who could just hand me a little baggie and say “Here dude. This will help?”
When I first injured my back quite badly a few years ago, I had several coworkers who offered to “help me out” with some meds. They would just have their cousins bring some of the “good stuff” up from Mexico when they came to visit for the weekend. I said “no thanks” because I was getting a good supply of Vicodin and muscle relaxants from the
A few people were pretty sure that all I needed to do was to begin smoking weed. The third shift supervisor was the first person to tell me all about how he hurt his back years earlier and the only thing that made it all better was the hippie lettuce.
This actually wasn’t a bad idea. I have absolutely no doubts about the natural pain killing and healing powers of pot. And I actually seriously considered the idea, but I was afraid I would end up at a doctor’s office and be given a drug test at some point and get fired.
The funny part of the whole story is that I got laid off a few months later anyway. And, of course, Mr. Pot Head Supervisor didn’t get caught up in the lay off. Ha!
I wasn’t all that surprised by the dude, he had a wallet with a marijuana leaf on it. But, the sweet little Vietnamese lady did surprise me when she offered to share some of her stash with me. She was pretty much the last person in the whole building that I would have suspected to be a pot head. And here I thought she was just naturally funny.
And there were SEVERAL people who told me that all I needed to do was to get some Holy Water and rub that on my back and it would be cured. One girl told me she cured her yeast infection with it. I started to ask her exactly how she used this stuff. Did she drink it or did she “rub it in.” But, then I decided I didn’t want to know.
Anyway, I wasn’t sure how to acquire this magical clear, watery substance. I figured getting a hold of this stuff wasn’t as risky as trying to buy some OxyContin or something. Turns out I was wrong. You actually have to go to a Catholic Church to get it. I guess they sell it in the gift shop. Okay, maybe not in the gift shop, but you do have to go to the church to get it. I tried to get the girl with yeast infection to bring me some. I told her I would bring a Tupperware bowl or thermos or whatever to carry it, but she said I would have to go get it myself. Apparently they take this stuff seriously.
Okay, so I just checked online and found that I can buy three bottles of Jordan River Holy Water for only $32.97.
Holy shit! That stuff is expensive. I think the per ounce price of pot is lower than that.
Oh, there we go. After a little more searching I see that I can get it a little cheaper at Discount Catholic Products. Seriously, Catholic products at discount prices. I don’t know why I find that funny, but I do. If someone shows up at mass with a discount crucifix that they bought online and not in the church gift shop, will he or she be looked down upon? Is discount Holy Water kind of like buy “Always Save” canned veggies? Does God care if you paid full price or not?
If he does, he probably won’t be happy with my “free” plastic rosary that I, um, acquired not too long ago.
They came with a little instruction booklet.
I think this all part of the Catholic Home Kit™
I’m kidding. I didn’t steal them. They were free. Unfortunately they didn’t have any Holy Water at this place. Otherwise I would have rinsed out my Gatorade jug and snagged me some.
Have I offended any Catholics yet?
Anyway, my point is be nice the people you work with or that you know who have access to some of the good stuff that you might need if you hurt your back or something else. And if you have a yeast infection, you can just use some Holy Water, but I have no idea just exactly what you do with it. You’ll have to figure that out on your own.
