Happy Trails, Holly Trolly

In what appears to be punishment for her embarrassing guilty verdict for stealing from poor children, the Baltimore Housing Department, <-insert sarcasm-> which has absolutely no influence from the mayor <-end sarcasm-> decided to end the program. Officially, however, the decision to cancel the program was not at all influenced by the criminal-minded embezzling mayor.

In an official statement, Andrew B. Frank, the First Deputy Mayor, not to be confused with the Second or Third Deputy Mayor, stated that the program no longer fits the goals of the city's Community Action Centers. Unofficially those goals of the centers include providing a conduit for the mayor to embezzle money, so when that conduit is cut off, the program no longer serves its purpose.

Now City Hall has to deal with the back-lash and public relations disaster that is Sheila Dixon. Do not be surprised if a "new" program is unveiled next year that will "more effectively meet the needs of the city and its residents as they continue moving forward to do the business of the city".

The new program will include lots of shovels and boots.

Someone tell me again why Keiffer Mitchell wasn't elected? Oh, yes, his campaign's self-implosion. Hey Baltimore - are you happy now?

NAACP's Doc Cheatham is a Racist

Typical of the NAACP, they cry RACISM at the drop of the hat, but in practice they are just as racist as the people and organizations that they criticize.

Doc Cheatham, President of the Baltimore Chapter of the NAACP, is no exception. In fact, Doc Cheatham could be the poster-child of RACISM. After hearing a radio program say that the rules of succession for Baltimore City Mayor are unclear, and with reasonably heightened fears that Sheila Dixon can be convicted of multiple charges, Doc Cheatham wants changes made. He wants to make sure that the Governor does not have the power to appoint someone to the Mayoral post.

Cheatham is not only a racist, but he is ignorant. He doesn't understand the laws of Baltimore and Maryland and didn't even bother to investigate what the rules of succession are for the mayor. But displaying typical behavior, he reacts with unbridled hysteria. Sort of like the old saying, "Shoot first, ask questions later."

I can't make this stuff up any better, so I'll just quote Doc "Racist" Cheatham. "Our concern is who would the governor appoint?" Cheatham said. "Here you have a predominantly African-American city. What if the governor appointed somebody white? ... Would he appoint someone Irish to be the mayor?" Cheatham also wants to close the possibility that a Republican Governor may appoint a Republican to Mayor of Baltimore in the future.

What if the mayor appointed someone who is white? Is that a catastrophe? Wasn't Martin O'Malley white? Wasn't Donald Shaefer white? And Irish? Seriously? You hate Irish people?

Using Doc "Racist" Cheatham's logic, I will make a suggestion to my elected officials in Carroll County to make sure the Governor doesn't appoint anyone to an elected office who is black and or a Democrat since Carroll County is mostly white and Republican.

Of course my suggestion is absurd and bigoted. The difference is I am kidding. Doc Cheatham' is serious and his suggestion is a reflection of racism and his own personal bigotry.

Baltimore from the Outside

I had the privilege of dining with a friend from out of town on Friday night. She was up from South Carolina to attend a convention catering to guidance counselors and recruiters. It's always fun catching up with college friends.

I do not go into Baltimore much anymore. I enjoy the peaceful, nearly crime-free bucolic Carroll County versus the crime infested, traffic-snarled streets of Maryland's largest city. And upon every visit I am reminded of why I never returned to live in the city of my birth. The city that resulted in one of my neighbors being murdered, my bicycle and dirt bike being stolen. The city where someone broke into our house in the night while we slept.

I made plans with my friend to meet her at 7pm in front of the ugly Hilton Convention Center Hotel that Peter Angelos built that blocks most of the scenic view of the city from the seats of Camden Yards. I got off on Russell Street at 6:35 - plenty of time to meet her at 7pm. Or so I thought.

About half way up Russell Street we can to an abrupt halt. And I sat. And I sat. Every few minutes we were granted the pleasure of moving up a couple of car lengths. Before long it was 6:55. I wasn't sure if I was going to make it. I called her and told her to come meet me on Russell Street. I was a couple of car lengths behind the great big green container truck.

Once she got in the car we crept to the next light. We sat through several, being blocked each time by cross-traffic that went through the red light and sat there obstructing the intersection. Finally we turned onto Pratt Street for another 15 minute trek to Light Street. At each light we saw AT LEAST 4 cars fly through red lights, which reminds me of a joke:

I was riding with my friend from Baltimore and we came upon a red light and we drove right through it. I yelled, "We just ran through a red light!" "Sure", said my friend. "My brother who lives in Federal Hill does it all the time. We then got to another light near Little Italy and as it turned red we drove right through it. I yelled that we drove through another red light. Again my friend said that his brother from Federal Hill does it all the time. Finally, we came upon a green light and my friend stopped. I turned and asked him, "What are you doing? It's green?" "Well, my brother might be coming the other way."

As we drove to our destination (Hull Street Blues Cafe), we talked. I asked her about the convention and she said that the mood of this convention just wasn't the same as the one last year in Seattle. Seattle, she explained, was fun. Everyone was excited. Here in Baltimore, everyone was kind of down and out, not wanting to go out and do anything. Unfortunately, Charm City brought the conventioneers down.

Additionally, my friend mentioned that she heard that our mayor was under investigation. How fantastic. Isn't it wonderful that the visitors to our city get to hear about how our mayor (Sheila Dixon) is basically a crook?

I had a great time seeing my friend and having dinner with her. But I sure am not boasting about Baltimore. What a mess.

Maryland's Transportation Projects - Show Me the Money

Ten years ago my wife and I bought our first house. And we did what most people do when they buy a house - we dug gardens and planted lots of pretty annuals. After a few years we started to realize that his was an expensive yearly task. As you know, annuals die after the first frost and they do not return. Therefore, we decided to start buying perennials. Though more expensive, perennials return every year. We realized that we couldn't buy all of the perennials that we wanted right away, so our plan was to buy several per year. Now we have no annuals and lots of perennials. Our costs are high, but without the financial burden of purchasing annuals every year, we will win in the long-term.

In an era of economic recession, it's almost counter-intuitive to think that Maryland Governor Martin O'Malley is running to the Congress with his hat in hand asking for more money. But with our 'just print more money' President, it's not entirely out of the question for O'Malley to do this.

Because of its geography and the inbred culture of being against everything that is proposed, Maryland is burdened with an inadequate transportation system that is the ire of travelers, commuters, and freight haulers alike. Washington D.C. has done an excellent job of investing in its transportation infrastructure and has one of the better integrated subway systems outside of New York.

Baltimore, on the other hand, has the dubious distinction of having a one-line subway (which most people don't even know about) that runs from Owings Mills in the northwest corner of Baltimore County to Baltimore's fleeting business district and on to Johns Hopkins Hospital. If you don't live on this route or work downtown, it's totally useless to you. In addition to that, there is the north-south light rail line that cuts its path through the county and into the city and south to that airport with the overbearingly long name.

To make matters as complicated as possible, transportation officials, politicians, and warring residents made sure that these 2 transportation projects did not have an integrated exchange, despite overlapping near Lexington Market.

In an effort to make Baltimore's public transportation a more viable option for commuters, Governor O'Malley is pushing for the infamous red line, an east-west line that will connect the Woodlawn \ Social Security area on the west side, to the Essex suburbs on the east side, with connections in the downtown business district and running through Fell's Point.

Believe it or not, I am in favor of a more comprehensive public transportation system in the state. I worked downtown and took the subway everyday for 4 years. Despite my run-in's with crazy homeless people and the miscreant middle school kids, it was the most convenient and time-efficient way to get to work. And when we go to Washington D.C. we nearly always take the Metro.

In addition to the red line project in Baltimore, Governor O'Malley is also asking for money for the Purple line in Washington, which will connect Northwest Washington with Northeast Washington, a cross-county suburban transportation line unlike the other lines which run into the city and back out again. There is also the Intercounty Connector (ICC) which is already in the building stage. And finally there is the expansion of I-270, one of the most congested highways in the country.

It appears as if our leaders will be pushing for a light rail line for the red line and most likely a rapid bus plan for the purple line. I understand their desire to get something up and running at the least possible cost, but they seem to be ignoring investments. Just because a transportation project is less expensive and "visible" does not make it better. When you are in Washington, D.C. or New York City, you do not see the subway lines, but they are there and they are great for moving around. Neither disrupt the above ground transportation of the city and neither are unsightly, at least until they get out into the suburbs where they come above ground and become an eyesore.

Instead of making the investment in an unseen subway, O'Malley is pushing for a light rail for the red line, which will carve up the city even further. In addition to being unsightly, the light rail also intersects roadways, creating dangerous situations at crossroads, and the light rail is not as fast. The Baltimore subway moves at about 70 mph above ground, whereas the light rail moves at about 40-50 mph. With a subway line the transportation grid will be able to move people in and out of the city at a much faster and convenient rate.

Moreover, in the Washington suburbs Governor O'Malley is pushing for a rapid bus line for the purple line. After elected officials spend millions of dollars for this rapid bus line, what will we own? Some buses and a road. When the money runs out, what is left? Nothing. Maybe some old buses. If the state invests in a subway you will always have a subway. It's there. No one is going to fill it in with dirt and make it go away. A rapid bus line is not a transportation investment. It's an unproven transportation cost to the state with only short-term benefits. Subways are proven long-term investments with long-term benefits.

In Montgomery and Frederick Counties there is now a war brewing about expanding Interstate 270. Most will argue that expanding the highway will further destroy the environment and only encourage more urban sprawl. My argument is that the Washington D.C. area is growing like crazy. What do you plan on doing with all of those people that want to move there? Not everyone wants to live in a 1200 unit high-rise condominium next to a subway line.

Officials can concentrate the growth in certain areas, but the area is growing and without updating the infrastructure, transportation will only get worse. Encouraging people to use the bus will not improve the situation. However, including an extension of the red line in the expansion project up to the northwest part of the county will certainly encourage more ridership and reduce highway congestion.

These projects cost a lot of money, billions of dollars, in fact. But our elected officials need to look at long-term solutions and consider them investments. They need to avoid the short-sighted money-saving ideas. Instead of planting the annuals, let's plant the perennials. In 50 years, Martin O'Malley will only be a nightmare from the past to my generation, but if the proper investments are made in transportation, in 50 years we will still have a efficient functioning subway system that will make us proud.

Vacation Part V - Walters Art Gallery

Though my wife wanted to attend, there was no reasonable way to entice my 6 year old son to visit an art museum. My daughter, however, seems to have the refined fine arts appreciation chromosome that most of my family lacks.


On Thursday, we ventured downtown to Mount Vernon, named in honor of George Washington, the beneficiary of our visit two days prior. I made a wrong turn and somehow ended up near the Lyric. It could have been worse. I could have ended up on Monument Street in East Baltimore. I finally versed course and found the museum, which lies a block from the Baltimore Basilica and the Pratt Free Library.


After parking my Honda Pilot in a secured lot away from the vandals, we make our way inside. Like the Baltimore Museum of Art, the Walters Art Gallery is free. That's FREE, like Alright Now. No money. My favorite kind of place.


Inside the museum is a piazza that Mr. Walters had built here after an Italian university. It houses statues, busts, paintings, and more. Additionally, there are exhibits on ancient Egypt, Muslim art, and religion. Each room has a guard standing by to apprehend any potential thieves. As expected, these guards boast admirable 300 pounds frames which would instantly spring into action should they awaken.

I finally saw some Bohemian woman snapping pictures, which I figured to be strictly prohibited. I felt compelled to inquire with one of the sleeping giants and was informed that it is perfectly fine to photograph anything in the museum. So let me get this straight - Martha Washington strictly prohibits me from taking pictures of her 200 year old rooms, but Mr. Walters has no problem with me taking photographs of 4,000 year old Egyptian artifacts? Where is the logic?


Our tour was brief, probably less than 2 hours. Sadly there were very few visitors to the museum. I found it interesting, though not fascinating. Perhaps I only retain half of that artistic chromosome. We left about 1pm and headed to lunch at one of those fancy schmansy restaurants, sort of a treat to my daughter and her high-dollar, yet distinguished taste buds.

Too many clowns, not enough circuses. Seriously, I have no idea where she gets it:


All in all, it was a good day, one that a father and daughter can enjoy. Definitely not a place to bring a whole family unless they are all bent on reading an admiring.

The original "peace out":


And the original Budweiser, "Wazzzzzup?"

Patricia Jessamy Hates Zach Sowers

I'm not sure if that's true, but she sure hates the negative publicity that she is receiving. And now it's our fault.

Jessamy's idiot spokesperson, Margaret Burns, who said that Zach Sower's pulverized face looked like a sleeping baby, was the target of a rally yesterday at City Hall. The rally, led by Sower's widow Anna Sowers, is demanding that Burns be fired after she refused to apologize or retract her statements.

In response to the rally, or maybe prior to the rally, Patrician Jessamy's office issued this statement:

"I continue to be focused on doing the job the citizens of Baltimore elected me to do. I have learned over the past several months that anything I, or individuals in my office say or do in reference to the Zach Sowers case will in all probability be misstated, misquoted, misrepresented, misinterpreted, and/or misunderstood. Knowing this, I therefore decline to make any statement regarding past, current or future events related to this case."

Jessamy is now on the defensive. She claims to being the work the citizens elected her to do. Was she elected to hire idiots who make idiotic statements? Was she elected to not convict as many criminals as possible? Was she elected to release arrogant statements blaming the public and media for her idiot staff's comments?

It's not her fault or her staff's fault that her staff made some idiotic statement about the case. And the fact that they pursued Zach's death beating as a robbery and assault is ridiculous. Jessamy's office is not interested in pursuing justice. They seem more interested in pursuing independence and business as usual.

If Patricia Jessamy is reelected, then Baltimore deserves the paltry conviction rate that releases of so many violent criminals back onto the streets of the city. Why are most parts of Baltimore such a shit hole? Because of the actions of most of our city's elected officials - like Patricia Jessamy.

New Life At Mondawmin Mall

In an act of sheer bravery, Minnesota-based Target opened a new store today at the once dead Mondawmin Mall. This is not the first target in Baltimore, but it is the first Target. City leaders are hoping that this store will help invigorate the west side ghetto.

My sources say that in the several hours the store has been open, there have only been 147 instances of shoplifting and no one has been shot. Sheila Dixon is happy with these statistics and will probably use it as proof that Baltimore is moving forward.

In the article by Kelly McPherson, she points out that what is happening in Baltimore with retailers has already happened in other successful cities like Detroit. Yes - Baltimore aspires to be as successful as Detroit. Isn't the unemployment rate for black men between 18 and 50 years old like 75%? And isn't Detroit's mayor under investigation and currently being charged with several felonies? We're like sister cities!

Anyway, I predict that this store will be open for at least 3 years. After that, they will be pushed out of the way for a farmer's market or a Sticks-N'-Stuff.