Okay kids. Since last week's audio posting of my weekly (or occasional) monologue jokes (which are more like Weekend Update jokes, but whatever) was so damn hilarious, I decided to do it again! Hey, I saw that eye roll!
Hey-OOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(As usual, if you're reading this in Google Reader you can't see the player, but there will be one at the bottom of the post.)
And, once again, because I am such a great freaking guy, I will include the monologue for those of you who are at work and don't have sound or have some aversion to clicking on audio players. (Hey, at least it doesn't auto play!)
1. Billy Ray Cyrus says that “Hannah Montana” ruined his life and his family. This makes Hannah the first TV character to ruin someone's life since Murphy Brown ruined Dan Quayle's.
2. The FDA lowered the minimum BMI for people with obesity related health issues who would like to have Lap-Band surgery. For more information just see the flier included with your combo meal at McDonald's.
3. MLB spring training has begun. This means the Pittsburgh Pirates are only a few weeks away from being mathematically eliminated from playoff contention.
4. A recent poll showed that 51% of registered republicans think that Barack Obama was born in a foreign country. But, in their defense 71% of those people think Hawaii IS a foreign country.
5. A group in Mississippi want the legislature to give the okay to vanity license plates that would honor Civil War General and first Grand Wizard of the KKK Nathan Bedford Forrest. A spokesperson for the state said a final decision will be made sometime after James Earl Ray Day.
6. Eagles QB Mike Vick canceled a scheduled appearance on the Oprah Winfrey Show. Apparently his advisers have him on a short leash.
7. Tiger Woods was fined an undisclosed amount last week for spitting on a green in a European Golf Tournament. Woods apologized but added that when one is chocking as badly as he was, you just have to spit sometimes.
8. And finally IBM Super Computer Watson beat Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter in a two day match on Jeopardy. The whole thing almost didn't happen when Watson threatened to walk out after being insulted by some questions about “2001: A Space Odyssey”
Okay, there ya go! Remember to tip your waitress. Drive safely everyone!
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