A Bouncing Baby Bieber

Okay, I am officially old.

Justin Bieber? Seriously? I mean, he's darling and all but girl's are screaming and crying and throwing themselves at... a fetus. I don't get it. I see him and want to either Swaddle & Bottle him or put him in a Johnny Jump Up and swoon over how damn cute he is. Sexy? Seriously? The kid's got bubble gum cards and entire magazines devoted to him. "Peek inside my bedroom" teases the newsstands. He's a freaking teenager. What could I possibly want to peek in his bedroom for? I have teenagers - I know what their rooms look like. No thanks. That is one sneak peek that I am happy to pass on. And you want to know why? BECAUSE I AM OFFICIALLY OLD.

And because those peeks and teases and shout outs are not meant for me. They are meant for the other fetuses. Fetuses that live at the mall and cream and faint and turn Elvis-Fan all over Baby Bieber. Fetuses that have never even heard of Andy Gibb or any of the other heartthrobs that covered my bedroom walls a million and a half years ago. They may know who Rob Lowe is but I guarantee NONE of them look at him the way I did when I was 15.

An entire movie? Really?



Maybe one day I'll get it.

It will be like Zac Efron. He was just that cute little guy from High School Musical until my friends and I had a Girl's Night Out and saw 17 Again. Holy shit. He came on screen and our eyes flew out of our heads, jaws dropped and we shifted in our suddenly warm seats - all mouthing simultaneously,
"When did Zac Efron get hot???" Check him out. Damn. (Okay, for the record he is, like, 24 - which totally makes him Fair and Legal Game.) Maybe it will be like that. One day I will turn around and there he'll be. Baby Bieber all grown up. And I'll say, "Damn! When did Baby Bieber get hot???"

Of course, by then I will be in an old folks home and won't even remember that I once had a Harem - let alone be able to add him to it.

What a horrible thought.

But, seriously, look at him laying back on his bean bag all Rico Suave-like, begging me with his eyes to... what? Make him do his homework?

Dammit. I am officially old.