Who Calls Someone "Assface?" ...

So I was heading to the White Oak Station to get a couple of things and the traffic was kind of getting on my nerves.  For a little town the traffic here sure can get pretty heavy sometimes.  Happens that way in rural areas.  Sometimes everyone in the whole tri-county area just has to come to town on the same sunny day.  Probably going to Walmart and then to whatever store carries the supplies they need for their stills.  Anyway, I was sitting there with my left turn signal blinking away looking for chance to turn left.

Finally I saw a gap and floored it.  Shot right across both lanes of traffic and straight into a parking space in front of the building.  I got out of my car and sauntered into the store trying to decide if I wanted a Snickers or a Butterfinger.  These are important decisions and one must put some time and thought into making them.  I decided on the Butterfinger and was content that I had made an excellent choice.  Also, I wanted a Pepsi.  But, that would mean quite a bit of sugar at one time.  Hmmm ... Maybe I'll grab the Pepsi and have it later tonight after dinner.  Oh sure, sugar after dinner is a brilliant freaking idea you moron.  Besides, I knew I wouldn't wait.  I was going to have that Pepsi WITH my Butterfinger while watching M*A*S*H and I and everyone in the store knew it.  But, suddenly everything changed and my attention was drawn away from chocolate & sugary goodness.

Hey Assface!

I looked around, trying to see who was yelling that. It was some little guy standing at the end of the candy isle.

I said HEY ASSFACE!

It suddenly occurred to me that he might just be talking to me. Who, me??

Yeah, YOU.  You almost hit my car out there.

No way.

You came flying into the parking lot and never even looked to your left.  I was entering from the side road.

I was concentrating on the oncoming traffic.  Never saw you dude.

Yeah, I know you never fucking saw me cause If I hadn't seen you first, you would have hit my car dumb ass.

Well it's a good thing you saw me then.  Well done.

You know what.  FUCK YOU.

Fuck me?

Yeah, FUCK YOU.

Fuck me? I don't think so dude.  Fuck you!

Oh nice come back.

I thought so.

Don't you think you owe me an apology?

For what?

For almost hitting me.

No, If I had hit you THEN I would have apologized.  Actually, maybe I do owe you an apology.  But, since you're being such a bitch, I'm not going to.  Try being fucking nice to people every once in a while and you'll find that people don't hate you so much.

Hey, people don't hate me.  I have lots of friends.

Yeah, how many followers you got on Twitter?

Twitter? What the hell is that?

THAT'S what I thought.  You don't have any friends.  Get lost asshole.

So then I left him with a befuddled look on his face and grabbed my Pepsi and went up to the counter.  The girl behind the counter was laughing a little bit and asked if I was having a good day.

Better day than that guy.  He almost got his car totaled in the parking lot and doesn't have any followers on Twitter.  What a loser.

We both laughed, she gave me my change and her phone number and I left and went home and watched M*A*S*H while eating my Butterfinger and drinking my Pepsi.  Just after the show ended there was a knock at the door.  I got up and took a look through the peephole and it was the convenience store clerk.  I opened the door and she smiled and said that she figured why bother with calling and decided instead to just come on over.

So, she came into my apartment.  After I shut the door, she pushed me up against the door and gave me the most sensual kiss ever. She then grabbed my hand and told me to come into the bedroom with her ...

And then I woke up from yet another crazy ass Nyquil dream.