Mother's Day IM Conversation Between My & My Mom...
Em Says:
Happy Mother's Day, Mom!
CLP says:
And Happy Mother's Day to you too, Emily! You're one of the greatest mothers I know! I've been reading Erma Bombeck. Here's a cute thing for mothers: "Whenever I pulled out one sock from the dryer for every two that I put in, I tell my children, the other one went to live with Jesus."
Em says:
I wanna go live with Jesus too. Jesus the sock fairy. The thought of Jesus being the fairy that steals socks makes me giggle.
CLP says:
Not yet, you don't get to go live with Jesus or the sock fairy. Too many people need you here, including your kids and me and EVERYONE who is reading this!
Em says:
Oh, I don't mean leave my body live with Jesus - I just mean in a giant sock filled chocolate house somewhere. Weirdest vacation EVER.
CLP says:
Well, actually, the thought about the socks was that the sock died and went to heaven, I think.
Em says:
I get it - but Jesus stealing socks makes me laugh. I just always choose the funnier interpretation of any topic - this you know about me
CLP says:
Of course. That's one of the things we love most about you. From a very long list
Em says:
So - here we are. Both mothers.
CLP says:
I guess motherhood is contagious. You got it from me--sort of. At least you wouldn't have got it if I hadn't done it first! Glad I did it.
Em says:
I did catch it from you! That's hilarious. How horrible if it were THAT easy to get pregnant? You get sneezed on by a pregnant woman... Surprise!
CLP says:
Well, sex is lots more fun than sneezing. Nature had to make it fun or we'd NEVER JUST DECIDE TO HAVE KIDS. Well, yes, we would, but not as often.
Em says:
Ha-ha, remember in that book, "Where did I come From?” they say an orgasm feels like a sneeze - only nicer.
CLP says:
Like a sneeze. PLEEEZE! Oh, yes, I'm a poet. You, as you know, were invited here daily (nightly) for a whole month. Ewww, that's more than your readers wanted to know.
Em says:
Ewww, that’s more than I wanted to know!!!
CLP says:
Before we leave chocolate, did you know that I make sure I have five large dark chocolate "Pound Plus" bars from Trader Joe's in the kitchen at all times???? Don't tell your brother John this, but I hide them in the lower broken oven and he doesn't ever look there.
Em says:
That is awesome! Awww, Mom... look at you loving chocolate now. When did that happen? I wasn't even allowed to have candy when I was little. Which is one reason I devour it like a cheap whore now.
CLP says:
Yes, five large dark chocolate bars. We Mormons believe in food storage, doncha know.
Em says:
Mom - honestly - don't you miss sneezing?
CLP says:
Well, it's hay fever time here in Northern California, so I've been doing a little sneezing. Oh, you mean do I miss sex??? Well, the truth is I never got my share, and it's a real pity for myself and at least one other person.
Em says:
I keep threatening to find you a man. Haven't had the best luck in that dept for myself - maybe I can do better for you... How about we take this opportunity to pimp you out on this here blog? Please, oh please, oh please???
CLP says:
Go for it, Em. No, didn't get my share. That's why I now have five large bars of Trader Joe's dark chocolate "Pound Plus" hiding in my broken oven.
Em says:
Okay - Internetland - time to get Carol Lynn Pearson... sneezing. Okay, you are a beautiful, very youthful, 70. What age range are we talking? How young would you go? 60?
CLP says:
Oh, 60-75. I'm very healthy and could pass for 69. Joke. I could pass for 59.
Em says:
Okay, between 60 - 75.
CLP says:
So here are his requirements: Loves me...loves chocolate...loves Jesus...loves socks…
Em says:
NOT GAY - rule #1. Duh.
CLP says:
Absolutely. No wiggle room there.
Em says:
Does he have to be Mormon? (Please say no, please say no...)
CLP says:
No.
Em says:
Ding, ding, ding! Correct answer. Okay - can he be a m.... height challenged?
CLP says:
I would love to be able to speak Hebrew with a nice Jewish man. Haven't used my Israel kibbutz Hebrew since I used to speak it with Hugh Nibley decades ago.
Em says:
Ooooo a nice Jewish man. Now we're talking.
CLP says:
Height challenged? ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THE M WORD?????
Em says:
Yep. :-) (Again - the correct answer is NO)
CLP says:
You would like a nice M for your step-father?????
Em says:
Could you IMAGINE??? Bah-hahahahahaha!!!
CLP says:
He would have to have his own money. But we could go dutch to movies.
Em says:
So, he doesn't have to be rich - just able to buy his own movie ticket?
CLP says:
And he would have to know who Leo Tolstoy is because this morning I finished listening to the last of 28 CDs of Anna Karenina.
Em says:
Okay - I am putting wealthy out there. From the daughter. You did? WOW.
CLP says:
Yes, I'm trying to fill in some of the gaps in my literary education. It's amazing how many hours in the day you (I) can have someone read to me while I just do stuff.
Em says:
Mom - it would be cool if he knew Tolstoy but, first, he needs to know Kinsey. You need a good Sneezy. And I ain’t talking about the dwarf (as previously stated)
CLP says:
Emily, way before Kinsey people were having lots of good sneezing.
Em says:
They were? I thought he invented sex. No? Okay, you need a sexy, 68 year old Jewish man with a pocket full of movie tickets and the ability to read aloud for hours.
CLP says:
Wow! That's it!!!!! I'm sure you can find one somewhere in Zion.
Em says:
Not here - but someone out there reading this in Internetland must have a father, uncle, friend that would fit the bill. Come on guys - work some magic for me here!
CLP says:
As the Jews say--From Your Lips to God's Ear!
Em says:
Amen (to be pronounced Oh-main!)
CLP says:
And amen.
Em says:
I love it - I am totally your pimpin’ Yente! On that note - I love you, Mom. Thank you for being mine.
CLP says:
My pleasure, Em. Love you SO much! Have a great Mother's Day!
Em says:
You too. Bye. :-)
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY INTERNETLAND!
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Mother's Day Love Fest
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