Well, it was in need a minor repair as one of the rivets that hold the handle in place broke. This has happened before on the other side, so I already knew just what to do. All I had to do was run to Ace Hardware and grab a little bolt, a couple of washers and a lock nut to take care of the problem.
I couldn’t remember what size I needed from the last time, but no problem. I figured that all I had to do was stare at the bolt that I got last time and my super-manly internal computer of a brain would imprint a picture of that screw and I would be fine. Men have that special power you know.
So, I got to the hardware store and head back to where all the nuts and bolts were. I assessed the situation and looked them over for a minute and then picked one up. I stared at it for a second and decided it was too big. So then I picked up a second one and stared at it. My computer-like mind immediately began to size this one up with the bolt that I had stared at earlier and told me that they matched. The only problem I had was that I hadn’t considered how long the bolt should be. But, that was easily taken care of by getting two different sizes. So, I quickly matched up the washers and nuts with the bolts and headed to the checkout counter.
I walked up the counter with the
Her: “Do you remember the price of each of those?”
Me: *Using my other very manly skill of just saying whatever smartassy thing comes to mind and not bothering with that filter that should be between my brain and my mouth* “No, I thought you did.” With that “Duh, you freaking work here don’t you? Shouldn’t YOU know the prices?” kind of attitude.
Her: *big sigh* *grabs the bolts and nuts and stares at them*
Me: “Don’t bother. Only men have that super-manly power.”
Her: “Huh?”
Me: “Oh, nothing.”
She then grabs the nuts and bolts book thing and finds the prices and I pay and leave while grumbling to myself about shitty customer service.
Yeah, you know where this is going. The freaking bolt was too big for the hole. Apparently my super-manly talent was a little off today.
So, I had to go back down to the hardware store and give Little Miss Sunshine the opportunity to laugh at me cause she’ll know that the smart ass guy got the wrong sized bolts. As soon as I was out of the place she probably started in laughing and questioning my manhood. Probably saying things like “A real man could have determined what size bolts her needed just by looking at them.” And shit like that. I can’t fucking stand it when my assholeness gets thrown back in my face like that. It was a pretty humiliating experience.
Well, it would have been, IF I HAD GONE BACK. But, I went to Home Depot instead. No freaking way was I gonna let that chick win!
She probably spent the whole day telling everyone what a smart ass I am. Hell, she probably went home and during dinner said “OMG, you wouldn’t believe the asshole that came in this morning.” That’s fine. She can think of me as a HUGE asshole all she wants. But, I’m not gonna let her think that I’m a stupid asshole who got the wrong size bolts.
So anyway, I went to Home Depot to get the replacement parts. Found what I needed and went up to the counter.
Girl: “Umm….”
Me: *very quickly* “The bolt is nine cents, the nut is eight cents and the washers are five cents each.”
Girl “Oh cool! Thank you.”
Me: “No problem, I’m a man. I know these things.”
No comments:
Post a Comment