The last post of 2007

As a parting gift to 2007, I would like to offer a great movie quote that I stumbled over only yesterday. (I stumbled over two quotes, the runner up is from Clint Eastwood's corrupt-cop movie The Gauntlet, in which a cop comments about the district attorney: "Shit, he couldn't convict Hitler.") The winning movie is Hot Shots! Part Deux, a 1993 madcap sequel to spoof-comedy Hot Shots! In the scene Topper Harley (Charlie Sheen) is reunited with Ramada, played seductively by Valeria Golino. Topper, who had been romancing another woman, finally realizes he desires Ramada more than the other girl, who, like all the female characters in the movie, has a middle name of Rodham. Here it is:

Topper: Ramada, I want to be with you. I want to hold you. I want to meet your parents and pet your dog.

Ramada: My parents are dead, Topper. My dog ate them.

For friends who have followed the same path.

Of all the things I’ve written, I have one favorite. It’s a play – the only one of my works that has never been produced. About three-quarters of the way toward completion of the script, I realized this play never would/could be presented in what I considered a satisfactory manner. (I don’t know of any theatre in the world with a stage large enough, for one thing.) So I’ve never offered it to anyone.

As a rule, I like simple plays – not much set, few props, modern costumes – you know the type. Maybe it’s vanity. I’d much rather you remember the work because it’s well written, and not because of an abundance of gimmicks or a lack of clothes.

Even before it was finished, I knew this thing wasn’t going to fly. But by then I was hooked – I had good characters and a solid (maybe even slightly original) story.

The work is a biography of Morgan le Fay, half-sister to King Arthur. The thrust of the story is that Arthur was the villain of the age, and that Morgan spent the entire of her life seeking not revenge, but justice. Ironically, after Arthur’s death, Morgan learns that she was instrumental in giving Arthur a semblance of immortality – had she left him alone, had he not been forced to create the round table, he would have lived and died as little more than a footnote to a dusty genealogy.

My agent loved it. She agreed with me that a play requiring a stage area half a mile square on the side of a mountain probably wasn’t going to be produced anytime soon. On the other hand, she pleaded (and when was the last time you saw an agent plead?) with me to turn the play into a book.

So that’s what I’m doing. I’m in no hurry. (Obviously) Today I worked on two different plays for a goodly part of the day. It was by accident I even found my Morgan play at all (Oh, THAT’S where that was!) I was in process of putting it away again, when the thought occurred to me of sharing it with you – at least a portion.

I don’t know how you feel exactly, but I’ve become quite fond of our relationship. You’re a little strange at times, and I’m comfortable with that. I look forward to you being there.

So here’s a section of dialogue few people have seen. As you have pleased me, I hope this pleases you.


Early in her search, Morgan came to the realization that everything had a price. Even the air she breathed was not free – it was taken. An elder witch, tiring of the constant complaining, forced the younger woman to look to the heavens – to the myriads of stars. “What price is here,” she was asked. “What do these cost you?”

Morgan considered for a moment before answering.

I once thought they be not stars, but mirrors of my soul

(those myriad twinklings set apart, aloof.)

How alike we are, I thought, to watch as bourgeois kingdoms
rise,
gasp for life,
and fall.

To remain pure, chaste – unreached and unreachable – thereby avoiding the countenance of that soiled creature (God in His perfect wisdom) permitted to begrime the earth.

To live forever! To never age or …or if to die, to die apurpose,
a bright
burning
gash
across the heavens!

I thought them supreme! Omnipotent! One with the Creator! But …
with the coming of the simple morn, they depart –

those stars,

frightened (no!) offended by the belligerence of the sun.

i remain. iii

take me with you, leave me not to face the iniquities of this little life, which draw me away, which make me less like you …

They do not hear me. Or, if hearing, disdainfully ignore my supplication.

And in my
heart,

that secret place where truth be not denied,

I am pleased. Grateful!

For if in compassion they respond,

then they be more like me

than I would be like them.

So. For a space I forgot them, moved as I was toward consuming sorrow,
(the pain within all too jealous for attention.)

And now I think again we are alike, those stars and I.
Distant.
Untouched.
Unknowing.
Affecting not the nature of

any
living thing,
save as a curiosity.

Existing for the mere sake of …………………………………………….. existing.

Direct from the Vault

Scanning my hard drive late this evening/early this morning I found this scrumptious little picture of actress Gabrielle Union. She was in Phoenix several years ago promoting The Honeymooners. This was probably taken in early May 2005. I remember only because the San Antonio Spurs were in town playing the Suns in the NBA Playoffs and the Spurs were staying at the Ritz Carlton, the same hotel where my interview took place. There I am, all 65 inches of me, waiting in the lobby as these huge basketball players filter in and out, congregating in the lobby and admiring a Ferrari at the valet stand. I also remember that during the interview Gabrielle mentioned several times that she was excited to be in the same hotel as the Spurs because she might bump into Spurs power forward Tim Duncan. At the time she was married to NFL star Chris Howard, although they would separate (and later divorce) later that year.

As for the interview, it went terrific, and only because I never had to admit to her that I didn't see her stinker of a movie. Usually when I don't see a star's movie, and then I interview them, I'll just lie about seeing it — "Yeah, yeah, yeah, had a great time," I'll lie. Usually I'm provided with detailed notes on the film, so fibbing is fairly easy. On several interviews, stars have asked me questions about the movie ("What did you like the best?") and because the notes I've been given are so detailed I can usually answer in a way that sounds as if I sat through it. (And then there was my interview with The Fountain director Darren Aronofsky, whose movie I did see but I still couldn't speak intelligently about it. At one point he was explaining to me scenes in detail.) With Union, though, I didn't have to lie — she knew already. Apparently the studio, fearing all kinds of bad feedback, never screened The Honeymooners for press doing interviews. Normally I would never agree to such an interview, but apparently it was a slow week.

She was a kind, generous person, very easy to talk to, and very personable and attentive to questions, even difficult ones. We talked at length about how black women were being cast in Hollywood. Several weeks before, critic Roger Ebert had written about the Nicole Kidman movie The Interpreter and wondered curiously in one of his writings why the movie was set in the United Nations, used African languages, concerned African people and countries, and yet starred a white woman as pasty as a Victorian doily. He actually suggests Union as a better replacement. Having read Ebert's note on The Interpreter (and agreeing with it 100 percent) I asked her about it and had a wonderful conversation about the roles she gets versus the roles she could get. "Write'em black," I remember her saying about characters in movies. "And if it doesn't say 'must be white woman' assume the character can be any color."

After a lengthy discussion on her works (she had just signed on for Runnings With Scissors) and the roles she chooses, we had some extra time and I asked her to pose for some pictures. I never intended to take any; I just couldn't leave my camera gear in my car during the interview only because the Arizona sun in May doesn't treat electronics very well. She looked amazing so she kindly looked stood in front of a window in her 7th Floor room that looks northeast over Phoenix and Scottsdale. As with most of my subjects, I told her I was preparing the light and snapped some shots that were never intended to be used. Then when I was ready she did several looking into the camera. Sure enough — it's always the case — the test shots, with her admiring the Phoenix horizon, were the best.

I never intended this explanation to be so long, but now that it's done I realize I have a ton of funny stories to tell about my celebrity interviews. Thomas Jane without his shirt on, Jamie Kennedy with explosive diarrhea, tricking Nia Vardalos (at the urging of John Corbett) out of a story involving puke, Janeane Garofalo sexy and inked, animation director Brad Bird brain dead, two separate interviews with Shia LaBeouf in which I felt like he was either going to punch me in the face or start hitting speedballs ... the list could go on. So consider this Part 1. More to come.

For all daughters who have fathers

This year my daughter gave me a basket of food for Christmas.

This was inevitable, I suppose. When you reach a certain age, you know a basket of food is in your future. Sooner or later. Preferably later. On the other hand, my wife – who knows me well – got me a robot for Christmas. Although only a few days have passed, I have now spent a number of quite enjoyable hours irritating the family dog.

In any case, once I got everything from the food basket laid out on the table, I was forced to admit it was a pretty good gift. I had lots of dried and candied fruits and dates, jams, jelly, pinafores wrapped in metaphors, sausages, and a large variety of cheeses. Since my daughter’s tastes and my own are very similar, I knew that this had actually been a gift not casually selected, and thus worthy of more than token appreciation.

And, since our tastes are so similar, it pleased me to once again recognize the old adage: the acorn doesn’t fall far from the brie.


(Yeah, yeah, I know. You were with me right up to the last minute. I act this way on purpose so you won’t have any real proof that you actually are the love child of Bill Gates and J. K. Rowling. If I can't have the money, neither can you.)

Dad

The Top 10 Movies of 2007

1. Juno

Juno warms your soul. It touches you on a deeper level than a film should be allowed, or even capable. It’s about a teen who gets pregnant and decides, all on her own and with the approval of her understanding parents, to give the baby up for adoption. The girl is Juno and she’s played by Ellen Page, an actress who crawls inside the precocious teen and radiates from within. Her vocabulary proves she’s intelligent, but also a darling little deviant, one of those kids you avoided in high school because they dressed strange and knew it.

The choices Juno makes and the colorful ways she makes them provide a wonderfully rewarding experience in writer Diablo Cody’s first screenplay. Director Jason Reitman, son of the great Ivan Reitman, understands his main character and gives her room to breath, or cartwheel. Page is surrounded on all sides by electric performers — Jennifer Garner, J.K. Simmons, Allison Janney, Michael Cera — who understand her on every level that she operates, from wiry foul-mouthed teen to sincere and mature adult who talks on a hamburger phone. If you take anything out of the movie year of 2007, make it Juno and its lovable star.

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2. Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead

Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead is a punishing movie, one told using one family’s vast library of violence and resentment. Two brothers, both strapped for cash, go in on a robbery together. They botch the job and the consequences of their mistakes seep into the lives of their wives, children and their kind parents, who spend most of the movie utterly confused until a single scene of enlightenment (and the response it provokes). The sons are played by Philip Seymour Hoffman and Ethan Hawke, the dad by Albert Finney, and one of the wives by Marisa Tomei. You will not find more gripping performances this year.

The film is edited into snippets of sequences resembling cause and effect, and then sometimes effect and cause — the editing is intense. The picture is directed by Sydney Lumet, one of film’s treasured directors. Lumet was 83 when he captained this and its one of his many masterpieces. Not even time could wear the man down.

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3. No Country For Old Men

Not much is actually said in No Country For Old Men, so when it does speak you know it has something important to say. If you’ve seen the film you’re probably nodding your head in agreement while pondering the character of Anton Chigurh, who is so cold and evil that when he speaks his words seem to stop time. I’m more thinking of the Ed Tom Bell character, the sheriff tasked with stopping Chigurh, a name that was written unpronounceable by author Cormac McCarthy for a reason. Every word that Sheriff Bell speaks is important. Just listen to the way he says them, the way his body contains these words before they’re said, the way he mumbles the consonants and strings entire syllables into a mush of a Texas drawl. There’s a rhythm to the dialogue and not one letter could be rearranged without interrupting the pulse that resides beneath the surface.

Sheriff Bell is played by Tommy Lee Jones, who appears to have lived the character before actually playing him. The plot concerns a hunter (Josh Brolin) who finds a case of money and plans his retirement. Then Chigurh shows up as ominous as Death himself. Chigurh is played by Javier Bardem, who will most likely win an Oscar for his role. Bardem’s character, with his pageboy haircut and polyester suit, has redefined villains. They will never be the same.

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4. Atonement

Adults are given too much power in movies. In Atonement, a child is the source of all the power and also all the destruction. The child is Briony. She thinks she witnesses a rape, or was she subconsciously persuaded to see the rapist? She accuses Robbie (James McAvoy) and unknowingly ruins a romance not long after its first kiss. Robbie loves Briony’s sister, Cecilia (Keira Knightley), who never quite forgives her little sister, even as they both serve as nurses four years later at the beginning of the Nazi invasion of Europe. Woven together with beautiful and technically challenging cinematography, editing that reveals interesting perspectives and heartbreaking performances, Atonement is one of those British pictures mainstream movie fans refuse to see and then call “boring.” This is an important picture and there’s not a boring second in it.

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5. Grindhouse

How often do we experience movies? Listen to that word again: experience. Grindhouse tries its damndest to inject some life into that screen, to give us something more than a movie. In it, directors Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez offer a modern-day interpretation of the now-deceased grindhouse cinema, which was basically low-quality exploitation flicks shown in dive theaters. QT and RR insert pops and hisses into their soundtrack, they omit entire reels, offer snack bar commercials and then reel up faux trailers, all inside a double feature. Rodriguez dives head first into zombie ooze with Planet Terror while Tarantino revs up his beefy car chase with Death Proof. They are acted well — Rose McGowan is a gun-legged stripper; Kurt Russell is mass murderer Stuntman Mike — but the real seller is the clever format with its self-aware grittiness and stylish exploitation.

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6. The Darjeeling Limited

Wes Anderson’s movies are written like great literature, but photographed like great film. He stages his actors in busy, spectacular frames and then he gives them interesting things to say. I have this theory that his works will survive longer than any other director of his time, including Steven Spielberg and Martin Scorsese. The Darjeeling Limited is Anderson’s most mature, focused work. It’s not his funniest, but it is his wisest. It stars Adrien Brody, Owen Wilson and Jason Schwartzman as brothers traveling through India on a train that allows them opportunities for self-discovery. In terms of action, not much happens — they buy a cobra at a bazaar — but the way they communicate with one other and the world is action enough. These are fierce people and Anderson gives them room to perform.

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7. Starting Out in the Evening

Starting Out in the Evening is about fresh starts. It begins with an old creaky author (Frank Langella) whose book has been “in production” for nearly a decade. A beautiful young college student pesters and pleads with him to allow her entrance into his life so she can write her thesis on him and his four previous works, all of which are important, yet out-of-print, novels. They differ in age by about 50 years but they fall in love, and although they dangerously approach sex, their relationship is entirely non-sexual. They care for each other, and compassion and understanding exists between them. The girl is played charmingly by Lauren Ambrose, who seems well-read and intelligent in a character that is never “that vapid college chick” and never plays to convention. And what will happen when that book is done? The movie had me guessing and I found the ending appropriate for these well-written characters.

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8. Ratatouille

Pixar Animation Studios is staffed by geniuses and prodigies, I’m sure of it. Its films are flawless. Magical. Tender. In many ways, perfect. The fact that the star of Ratatouille is a rat goes to show you how good Pixar is — if they can make you care about a rat then they’re doing their job very well. The rat is Rémy and he desires to be a great chef. Not a chef in the rat world, where his brothers and sisters nibble the corners of boxes and munch trash, but a chef in the human world, where fine cuisine flaunts its delicate scents and flavors. Rémy joins up with Linguini, a human with no cooking expertise whatsoever, and the two concoct delicious French food. The movie looks amazing, the voice acting is marvelous and the dialogue is clever, but the highlight is the food. The movie will make your taste buds dance.

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9. Knocked Up/Superbad

Let 2007 be the year that Ben Stiller, Adam Sandler and Will Ferrell fell from grace in the comedy world. Taking their place is Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill, Judd Apatow, Michael Cera, Bill Hader and many, many more. Knocked Up, about a one-night-stand between Rogan and Katherine Heigl that leads to an unplanned pregnancy, came out first and wowed audiences with its honesty and uncompromising vulgarity. Superbad, the story of two teens’ (Hill and Cera) sad quest to attend a high school party, was a brutal pummeling of curse words and even more uncompromising vulgarity. Both were hilarious to the nth degree. I hope this is the direction comedy goes in from now on.

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10. 3:10 to Yuma

Curious things happen in 3:10 to Yuma. The hero and the villain, bound by fate and going against dozens of movie rules, tread a barrage of bullets together for reasons neither of them can ever really figure out. The hero is Dan Evans (Christian Bale), a rancher who offers to escort a dangerous outlaw to a train depot in a post-Civil War Arizona. The villain is the dangerous outlaw, Ben Wade (Russell Crowe), whose pistol is so feared it’s called the Hand of God. Ben Wade is very dangerous, his gang even more so, but he isn’t without principles, which is maybe why he allows Dan to escort him to a train that will surely take him to his execution. These are super performances, and they’re written very carefully. By the time the end comes, you’ll know that it could not have ended any other way, but, for once in a movie, it was not the way it was intended to end for the hero and the villain.

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The Others ...

Here are some distinguished runner-ups. They’re written in alphabetical order because they all are worthy to be on this list:

300, American Gangster, A Mighty Heart, Bug, Reign Over Me, Eastern Promises, The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters, The Kite Runner, The Lookout, Michael Clayton, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, Talk to Me, There Will Be Blood, Waitress

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***This Volume feature originally ran in the West Valley View Dec. 31, 2007.***

Volume's Annual Alternative Movie Awards

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MVP Award

Winner: Josh Brolin

Before 2007, this mustachioed actor had been in only one film worth mentioning: 1985’s The Goonies, where he played an overbearing brother on an underground treasure hunt. This year he mines greatness with roles in Grindhouse, American Gangster, In the Valley of Elah and No Country For Old Men. Bravo, Mr. Brolin.

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"Shame On You, Audience, For Neglecting This Movie" Award
Winner: Grindhouse

Supremely wicked and devilishly twisted, Grindhouse wasn’t just a movie, but an experience, a roller-coaster ride of sleaze and violence. It was the most unique movie event in decades. And audiences poo-poo’d all over it. It opened behind Are We Done Yet? for heaven’s sakes.

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Great Line Award
Winner: Marisa Tomei, Before the Devil Knows Your Dead

Tomei’s character is cheating on her husband with his brother. The brother, the one who’s not her spouse, tells her, “I want more,” meaning more of her love and sinful affection. Tomei, naked from the waste up and cooing provocatively, says the best line of the amazing movie: “So does Oliver Twist.”

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Best Actress Who Won’t Win the Oscar for Best Actress Award
Winner: Lauren Ambrose, Starting Out In the Evening

The Six Feet Under star plays a hyper-intelligent muse to an author 50 years her senior (Frank Langella). They fall in love, but they don’t have sex; they have something more meaningful and powerful. Toward the end of the movie, Ambrose leans forward for a caress and instead gets a cold slap from her senior citizen author. Her reaction is priceless.

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Best Movie Marketing Award
Winner: The Simpsons Movie

We waited way too long for a so-so movie, but that’s beside the point. The marketing behind The Simpsons’s long-awaited movie was hilarious and inventive: 7-Elevens posed as Kwik-E-Marts with Buzz Cola and Squishees, a Simpsonize Me Web site offered to manipulate photos into yellow-tinted cartoon characters, and the producers of the film finally (with their fingers crossed) named the state that contains Springfield. It’s Vermont, by the way.

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Scariest Villain Award
Winner: Ben Foster, 3:10 to Yuma

I’m not sure what’s scarier: his spinning six shooters or his cult-like obsession with his Bible-totin’ gunfighter boss (Russell Crowe).

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Coldest Villain Award
Winner: Javier Bardem, No Country For Old Men

He kills ruthlessly and with no apparent instigation of any kind. Child-like wives, country bumpkins, hotel desk clerks, accountants, chicken owners … his evilness knows no bounds.

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Sleaziest Villain Award
Winner: Billy Mitchell, The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters

Billy Mitchell, who holds the world record for points in a single game of Donkey Kong, is not a character. He’s as real as the ink on this page. With his hair-metal coif, Chuck Norris-style beard, Florida-based hot sauce company and those arcade-calloused digits, Mitchell is easily the nastiest villain of the movie year. Just play the rookie in Donkey Kong already!

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Worst DVD Commentary Award
Winner: William Friedkin, Bug

Friedkin gave us The Exorcist and The French Connection, but on his Bug DVD commentary all he can do is stammer through a brain-vaporizing rehash of what’s happening on the screen. “Uhh, here the character, uhh, hmmmm, is answering the door. She, uhhh, looks outside.” I had to check to see if the commentary was designed to describe scenes for the blind. (It wasn’t.)

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Totally Awesome, Yet Forgettable, Summer Movie Award
Winners: Disturbia and Surf’s Up

We were all to wrapped up in Spider-Man, green ogres and overacted pirates to notice these two gems. They were the best the summer had to offer.

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Reasons to Cook/Bake Award
Winners: Ratatouille and Waitress

A rat makes cuisine in Ratatouille and a pregnant diner worker makes scrumptious pies in Waitress. Between the two all you’ll want to do is spend some quality time in the kitchen making, or at least smelling, delicious food.

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Don’t Release Your Movie So Early in the Year Award
Winner: Seraphim Falls

It was a western with Pierce Brosnan and Liam Neeson, and despite its early 2007 release, it was terrifically bloody and well acted. By the time it was in theaters we were already thinking about the previous year’s Oscar nominations. It’s a shame everyone missed it.

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Bad Month for Movies Award
Winner: February 2007

The month of Valentine’s Day and National Lactose Intolerance Month (Canada) saw the release of stinkers Hannibal Rising, Norbit, Ghost Rider, Bridge to Terabithia and The Number 23. It’s amazing so much badness could even fit in one full year, let alone the shortest month on the calendar.

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Worst Title Award
Winner: I Think I Love My Wife

Well, I think I hate your title. No, I know it.

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Shoulda Stopped at Two Award
Winners: Shrek 3, Spider-Man 3, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Big budgets they were; quality filmmaking they weren’t.

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“Did They Really Just Do That?” Award
Winner: Hostel 2

A girl is trussed naked and upside down over a bathtub to be sliced open for the enjoyment of … it’s too indescribable to even describe. If we’re watching this stuff, we’ve sunk too low as a people.

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Good Sport Award
Winner: Malin Akerman, The Heartbreak Kid

The Farrelly Brothers really pile up the abuse on this beautiful, darling-cute actress in the atrocious Heartbreak Kid, which also stars Ben Stiller as an undecided new husband. Poor Malin never deserves it, especially in a supporting role, but she’s a sport through and through, donkey and all.

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Longest Movie Title, Which Also Happens to Have the Longest Award Named After It, Award
Winner: The Assassination of Jesse James By the Coward Robert Ford

Great movie, greater title.

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You’re REALLY Good When You Steal Scenes From Tom Hanks Award
Winner: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Charlie Wilson’s War

Charlie Wilson’s War is Tom Hanks film, but Philip Seymour Hoffman makes him look like a chump with better lines, funnier jokes and a ridiculously nostalgic mustache/glasses combo. Hanks is superb, but PSH is much better.

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Super-Awesome Beard Award
Winner: Joaquin Phoenix, Reservation Road

Phoenix, who can still play young guys, went for an older, wiser look in this family drama about the hit-and-run death of his young son. The dark beard and mustache make him look regal and important. (This is the third reference to facial hair, thus making Phoenix, Hoffman and Brolin, officially, the Mustache Trilogy of 2007.)

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Best Trailer Award
Winner: TIE: Funny Games and Iron Man

Both movies don’t open until 2008, but their trailers debuted this year and to great acclaim … at least from the people who grant acclaim to movie trailers and that list is rather short. Iron Man is pretty much a forgettable ad until an early version of the Iron Man character comes blasting out of a set of steel doors to the tune of Black Sabbath’s monster-riffed “Iron Man.” The trailer choreographs the punches of the massive metal man to connect with several terrorists’ chests at the same time as Tony Iommi’s guitar crushes out big, wide power chords. It really gives new meaning to the song, which is strange since the exact scene was explicitly written into the lyrics nearly 38 years ago. As for Funny Games, it also features music, Edvard Grieg’s “In the Hall of the Mountain King,” a devious little classical number that’s been used in the past for Satan himself. I’ve recently see the Austrian/German version of this Michael Haneke film and I’m looking forward to the English remake, also by Haneke. I could watch the trailer a dozen.

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Good Effort Award
Winner: Adam Sandler, Reign Over Me

Sandler is the bane of a critic’s existence, but I’ll give him points for trying — first with Punch-Drunk Love and this year with Reign Over Me, where he plays a lonely widower crashing into an old friend. Sandler is the widower who lost his family and Don Cheadle (who was also great in Talk To Me) is the friend. Both are excellent in probably one of the most forgotten movies of the year. But congrats to Sandler for not doing cartoon voices or punching strangers in the sacks so he can laugh at them squealing.

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***This Volume feature originally ran in the West Valley View Dec. 28, 2007.***

Hot, hot, hot stuff from 2007

Consider this a hot list. It contains everything that we talked about this past year, from the phones we used and albums we bought to the TV we didn’t get to watch and the Nunchucks we were swinging.

— Michael Clawson

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iPhone ••• There will be many revolutionary cell phones, but the wonderfully simple, and much coveted, iPhone, with its touch-screen interface and sleek design, was the first to go down in history before it was even released — just ask the folks who waited outside stores overnight for one. Photos, music, the Internet … there seemed to be very little the gadget couldn’t do. Apple hit gold with the iPod, and then under the gold the company hit diamonds with the iPhone. They better keep digging.

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Wii ••• Nintendo was fighting a losing battle with Microsoft’s Xbox 360 and Sony’s Playstation 2 (now 3) until it reinvigorated home gaming with something other than the thumbs. The Wii, with its Nunchuck and Wiimote, allowed real physical motion to seep into video games, breathing new life into games that simulated table tennis, fishing or bowling. A year after its release, the Xbox and Playstation consoles are fairly easy to nab in stores. Line up and wait for the Wii, though, which has sold 15 million and counting.

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Writer’s Strike ••• TV has stopped. Film is not far behind that. And still there is no end in sight. Starting in November the Writers Guild of America put away their pens, or minimized their Word documents, and went on strike. The studios, as rich as they are, still want more and refuse to give us back the shows we love. (And if I don't get a full season of Lost this year I'm likely to go on a rampage that would involve the entire plot of Falling Down and that parody of Margot Kidder from Family Guy.)

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The Sopranos ••• The hit HBO mobster series came to a screeching halt back in June with a black screen. Cable didn’t go out; that was the real ending. Creator David Chase, months later, admitted that Tony Soprano wasn’t whacked, just went on being Tony Soprano. So much has already been written about what happened, or what we think has happened, but let me just offer this: the ending could not have been handled any better. It was aggravating there wasn't more to behold, but it was classic television that catered to the characters' needs, not ours.

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Toy Recall ••• Nothing takes the fun out of toys more than Chinese lead paint. It’s like one of those Consumer Reports sketches Dan Aykroyd did on Saturday Night Live, but less funny and with cancer. The lead scare made toy shopping this holiday season a frightening experience. And someone, for heaven's sake, can we not do some tests on these toys before we put them in the hands and mouths of toddlers?!? It blows my mind that Americans who are creating toys for children never even bother to see what is in the toys as they come off the boat.

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“Icky Thump” ••• The White Stripes revisit ’70s-era acid and fuzz with this brain-scrambling garage-punk anthem that is easily the best song of the year. This guitar does not gently weep, it wales. The whole album is excellent and worthy of purchase, but the first song is just vintage White Stripes, the kind of song that gets better with each listen. Trust me, I've listened to it way too much.

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Cormac McCarthy ••• First he wins the fiction Pulitzer for his brilliant post-apocalyptic novel The Road, then brings his elusive self to a mega-hyped interview with Oprah, and then watches as the film version of No Country For Old Men, a book he wrote, stomps toward Oscar greatness. That’s a good year. Now cross your fingers that The Road, when it's adapted to the screen like it is right now, doesn't come out like the book-to-film adaptation of I Am Legend.

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John Baizley ••• Baizley, guitarist and singer for Georgian metal band Baroness, is ringing in a new age of album art with his explosive stylings and haunting themes. He’s already designed all of Baroness’ covers, but then also Darkest Hour, Torche, Pig Destroyer, Black Tusk and Magrudergrind. He makes art you want to hang on your wall.

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Feist’s The Reminder ••• Folky and poppy all at once, Feist’s third album is the best album of the year. And if “1234” doesn’t put a smile on your face, take your smile in for repair or replacement.

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Harry Potter ••• In one of the most anticipated endings of the year (along with the fate of Mr. Soprano) J.K. Rowling brought her Harry Potter series to a close in July with Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. And then several months later she drops a bombshell: Dumbledore is gay.

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Bad Behavior ••• Short of putting cocaine on this list, let’s just put all the devious behavior: Paris Hilton goes to jail, Britney Spears completely falls apart, Don Imus infuriates black people, Amy Winehouse acts crazy and high, Idaho Senator Larry Craig has a “wide stance,” a college student screams “don’t tase me, bro,” Alec Baldwin reprimands his daughter with voicemail, David Hasselhoff is occasionally drunk, Michael Vick loves pets, Anna Nicole Smith dies. And recently, Jamie Lynn Spears, at the ripe ol' age of 16, gets knocked up. Can we have less celebrity scandal, please.

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Halo 3 ••• There are better video games out there to play (The Orange Box, Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, Bioshock) but Halo 3 turned its release into a worldwide event. And really, the game is quite good. Groundbreaking, even. If I were to have only one complaint, it wouldn't be about the game necessarily, but the temperament of its online players. They're rude, obnoxious and snotty beyond all comprehension. Worst of all, because pretty much anyone can be good at the multiplayer game, most players tend to get a little cocky. Well, a lot cocky. And those kinds of people are never enjoyable to be around.

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Rage Against the Machine ••• The political rock band finally got back together. No word on why they ditched fans during the post-9/11 Bush years, when a band like RATM was needed. I photographed them at Vegoose in Las Vegas at the end of October and it was one of the highlights of my career. The energy pulsing from that stage so intense. If only they could have actually said something to the fans that were there. The band is notorious, singer Zach de la Rocha especially, for not speaking to audiences on their stages. For the most part, you could even close your eyes and not be able to distinguish the live band from the CDs. But those are negative comments ... the band's reunion was long overdue and very much appreciated.

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TMZ.com ••• TMZ has broken every celebrity news story of the year, so it’s on top of its game, but something doesn’t seem right about that weasel of an editor, Harvey Levin. Someone should point a camera in his face (or crotch) while he’s at the supermarket.

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M.I.A. ••• British techno gangster M.I.A., real name Mathangi Arulpragasam, had a wild past couple of years with money and visa problems that kept her from touring. By the time she did come over to the States, touring behind her wild album Kala, she was in top form with her dirty gunshot-soaked rap.

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Neil Young’s Live at Massey Hall, 1971 ••• Without a doubt the greatest live album ever recorded. And it was kept from us until this year, too! It’s just Neil and his guitar (or piano), and it’s beautiful.

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Radiohead’s In Rainbows ••• The album is great, maybe Radiohead’s best, but they did something better than the music: the British band pretty much gave it away. Fans were asked to choose what to pay. You can’t put a price tag on art, so the plan was genius.

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Big-screen TVs ••• Call 2007 the year of high-definition home theater. Bigger, clearer widescreen TVs (both plasma and LCD) are cheaper, HD DVDs and Blu-Ray movies are readily available, and even the cable and satellite companies are upping their signals to provide higher resolution pictures. Have you gone 1080p yet?

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Giada De Laurentiis ••• Manly Emeril and his hollered “bams!” gets real old real quick. Food Network needed some grace to its programming and Giada De Laurentiis, who resembles an elegant mixture of Natalie Portman and Celine Dion, serves it up nicely with her delightful shows on Italian cooking. Granddaughter to movie producer Dino De Laurentiis, Giada is the underground alternative to even Rachel Ray, who, truth be told, is goofy and awkward in the kitchen. And Giada’s food actually desires to be edible.

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Tween pop ••• Ashley Tisdale, Miley Cyrus, Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron … we wouldn’t know there names if girls ages 7-13 weren’t chanting their names continuously. Of course, all four of them come from either Hannah Montana or High School Musical, two Disney shows that could rule the planet if not watched by a special United Nations committee. But there’s an even uglier side than that: Hannah Montana concert tickets were scalped through the roof while Hudgens’ nude snapshots hit the Web.

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***This Volume feature originally ran in the West Valley View Dec. 24, 2007.***